My Profile

Name: Kars
B-day: October 20, 1984
Zodiac: Libra
Age: 20
School: De La Salle University

female. libra. roman catholic. music lover. broadway junkie. eccentric artist wannabe. avid movie-goer. internet freak. periodic drinker. non-smoker. chronic drunkard. class cutter. weekend bum. shoe collector. alias fanatic. trying-hard singer. frustrated ballerina. pseudo piano player. infrequent commuter. nonstop texter. former friendster devotee. current blog enthusiast.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005

bombshell

**WARNING** the contents of this blog entry are semi details of my thoughts and feelings. it's in your discretion if you'd still want to read it. as for me, damn if you do, damn if you don't.

****

i was blinded by a superficial love built over, above, and around a big fat lie created by two selfish and hormonal monsters.

if there are people i cannot tolerate, they are cheaters. worse, cheaters who don't have the balls to admit their acts of disloyalty.

yes, i had a lying and cheating ex-boyfriend. (i've only had ONE ex-boyfriend, so go figure!)

the worse thing is, i only found out after we broke up. 3 months after we broke up. i only found out about it YEARS after the actual incident happened.

apparently, this ex of mine had been in a lip-locking session with some girl who happens to be MY FRIEND. (i refuse to give out this poor girl's name, but if you'd ask, i'd gladly tell you who.) sounds crazy huh? so much for the goody-two shoes we all perceive him to be. tsk tsk. bad things are done by people you don't expect to have the capacity to do so. kapal ng mukha. his reasons serve no justification whatsoever.

it all makes sense to me now. i don't regret breaking up with him anymore. actually, i regret being with him. sana hindi mo na lang ako binalikan. sana you just stayed with her. i didn't need someone like you. i would've had a better life with someone else.

am i angry? of course. who wouldn't be?
am i devastated? not really.
am i relieved? surely. breaking up with him was the right decision after all, and for once, i feel good about it.

if i had a tinge of hope before that after a few years, fate would bring us back together, well now, i don't. i have completely shut my doors. why am i making such a big deal about this right? after all, we had broken up, and there's nothing i can do about it. but i'm sure you guys would feel the same way when you're betrayed by someone who you lovED. AND, betrayed by your friend. and the fact that they didn't have the balls to tell me, it just made me look stupid all these years. we've been living under a lie. gawd, i wasted 3 years of my life.

i don't know if this is just the angst talking. and i don't know when i'm ever going to escape this madness. but this is what i'm feeling and thinking as of the moment.

i'm sure many people would ask if this is the right thing to do. it seems that an entry like this is meant for private journals. first of all, this is my only journal. second, at this stage, i'm being kind. i am capable of doing much more, but because of my sorta-compassionate heart, i can keep other things to myself. besides, i think people should know about stuff like these in order for them to derive some lesson that they can carry in their lives. third, i have to let this out. i can't keep this bottled inside of me. if it means posting it in a (public) journal, then let it be.

cliche: the truth will prevail. kaya be honest na to the people you love. labas niyo na lahat ng baho niyo. if they don't accept you for that, sorry ka na lang. you have to be responsible for your own actions..

you were a good riddance. no regrets AT ALL. you're a canniving and deceiving sleazeball, and i deserve someone way better than you.

i've longed for closure and finally i found it. THIS is my closure. thank you.




abadudi @ 3:01 PM

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