you think you know, but you have no idea...

2006-04-15T14:51:00.000+08:00

this week i realized that things can never be the same with your ex, whether you like it or not. there is no such thing as being close friends with your ex, because there will always be a line of awkwardness. so it's better to just cut your losses already.

condition: unless both parties are COMPLETELY over each other, over everything that had happened in the past, then that's a different story.

--00--

a week more to go and off i go to spain! i'm surely going to miss my family, friends, and of course philip! but i'm also sure that i'll have the time of my life there! so i'll see ya guys when i get back. with my pasalubongs! anyone who wants anything in particular? i've already got a long list of real madrid jerseys to buy for my cousin, my friend chris, my sister's boyfriend, and philip! haha :) btw, i'm hopeful that we're gonna watch a real madrid game. so beckham, wait for me! :D

my valentines

2006-02-15T09:55:00.000+08:00

well, all i can say is that it was the best valentines day EVER! i'm not very big on valentines, and so for this year, i didn't expect much. but this year was way different. details will be revealed next time, but let me just put it this way: it's only with philip that i can cry because of sheer joy. throughout the night, i was crying in random moments!

so next year, it will be my turn to give him a surprise. and i have no idea how to beat what he did! haha!

i couldn't be happier with anyone else! weeeee!

due to increasing demand

2006-02-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

ok, so after 40 plus days of not posting, here's my new entry, rissa, sjeanz and ara!!

i've been very busy with school. (or atleast i pretend to be! haha! jk!) i have 2 non-major subjects with professors who demand so much, and who feel that they are major subjects. so every monday and wednesday is such a stress, because there's always work for tuesday and thursday. 2 more months to go! woohoo!

i envy my barkada! they're graduating this april, and finishing early march. how unfair!

my spanish class is fun. badj is so gay, but he's a great teacher! i am able to express more now than ever before. imagine, i was able to talk about population growth in spanish! i hope that this level would enable us to speak more, since we had a very bad foundaiton with our past professors.

speaking of spanish, everyday, as i am drawn closer to april 22 (the day i'm leaving for spain), i feel more and more excited!! i saw pictures of the students who went there last october, and whoa!! i just can't seem to wait! we're going around spain, especially during weekends. to barcelona, madrid, toledo, even to portugal...and...we're going to ibiza! party capital!!! but at the same time i'm also looking forward to going back and seeing my working friends, my family, and my hunny of course!! i'm sure i'm going to miss them so much. i haven't even left yet, and philip's already thinking of how he'd like to hug me so tightly when i arrive. hehe! such a sweetheart. :) but this experience will be wonderful and unforgettable of course. one because there's no parental supervision. two, because i know how to more or less speak the language.
three, because we're going around the country and learning the culture! agghhh!! i want this term to end already.

although one question still remains. what will i do when i get back? i have three months to do absolutely anything i want to. suggestions?? :)

goodbye 2005, hello 2006!

2006-01-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

there is this one great thing that i'm grateful for for 2005: moving on.

because of this, i was able to keep myself preoccupied with academics, the sc, and my friends. and most especially, because of this, i was able to meet and be with philip. who would have thought right? but despite the chaos and what not, believing in him and staying with him were the best decisions of the year. i ended the year great. fantastic! amazing! unbelievable!!! :)

so what am i looking forward to in 2006?
- more time with my hunny! haha
- my SPAIN TRIP! woohoo! 5 weeks without parental supervision. 5 weeks of independence. 5 weeks of exploration.
- possibly a part-time work during my 3-month hiatus
- OJT and thesis with melai, clang and dax
- graduating! woohoo!

yey! wala lang. :)

louder than words (my song to the filipino people) - from tick tick boom

2005-12-31T00:06:00.000+08:00

Why do we play with fire?
Why do we run our finger through the flame?
Why do we leave our hand on the stove-
Although we know we're in for some pain?

Oh, why do we refuse to hang a light
When the streets are dangerous?
Why does it take an accident
Before the truth gets through to us?

Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds.
Fear or love, baby?
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than words.

Why should we try to be our best
When we can just get by and still gain?
Why do we nod our heads
Although we know
The boss is wrong as rain?

Why should we blaze a trail
When the well worn path seems safe and so inviting?
How-as we travel, can we see the dismay-
And keep from fighting?

What does it take
To wake up a generation?
How can you make someone
Take off and fly?

If we don't wake up
And shake up the nation
We'll eat the dust of the world
Wondering why

Why do we stay with lovers
Who we know, down deep just aren't right?
Why would we rather put ourselves through hell
Than sleep alone at night?

Why do we follow leaders who never lead?
Why does it take catastrophe to start a revolution
If we're so free, tell me why?
Someone tell me why so many people bleed?

happy holidays!

2005-12-26T23:15:00.000+08:00

first of all, merry christmas to everyone! how was my christmas? it just felt like another sunday to me. we usually have family reunions of some sort during lunch and dinner, but this year we had none. my family and i just went to alabang town center to get some coffee and to eat dinner out. surprisingly, there were a lot of people there! i guess almost everybody was spending their christmas out of their homes. i had cool gifts from my family though! from my sister jaja, my sisters and i got this really cool dvd trivia gameboard! from ate kattie, i got the two tops i've always wanted. one from people are people, the other from this tiangge we saw. from joy, i got the faced-out CD of moonpools and caterpillars entitled LUCKY DUMPLINGS, and the geisha novel in spanish. pretty TIGHT, but best of luck to me!!! haha! from my parents, an amount of *toot* (i will not disclose!), but all i can say is that it is greatly appreciated.

anyhoo, i met philip's other relatives today. i spent almost the whole day at their place in the boondoks! (haha! since we live in complete opposite parts of the philippines!!!) they were pretty cool! i felt warmly accepted in their humble home. can't wait to meet them again, but i have to play the piano the next time. oh noooo!!

***********
i was browsing through macky's multiply a couple of minutes back, and saw one of our old pics during the 4J reunion last year. check this out:

yah, we were literally lying down on the sidewalks. SG shouldn't be called South Gurlz but Sabog Gurlz. True that macky bro!!! :D

the sweetest thing

2005-12-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i brought some hershey's kisses along with me so that philip and i can have something to munch on. apparently i brought kisses with almonds, and if you know me well, you'd know for a fact that i don't like nuts in chocolates. so i wasn't able to eat much. bummer!

this morning, my hunny texted me that he had a little surprise for me. when we met up, he gave me a small pack of hershey's creamy milk chocolate kisses WITHOUT almonds. so i was like..."awww thanks!" while i was typing my paper, and ready to open my pack of kisses, i noticed that on the package, he pasted a piece of paper over the hershey's and replaced it with "philip's". so it read "philip's kisses". and when i looked closer, i saw that each of the kisses had an attached string of paper with sentences on them. it was so fun eating the kisses because i looked forward to getting each chocolate so i could read his message. anyway here are the little notes that he put:

1. you give me a reason to wake up every morning.
2. thank you for accepting me for who i am.
3. you're charming. -----> that's what his mom said!
4. you're sophisticatedly beautiful. ---> that's how he describes me! hehe
5. you make life worth living.
6. there's not a moment that you're not on my mind.
7. i could kiss you for a lifetime.
8. thank you for loving me back.
9. i love you.

ain't he a sweetie or what?! and every time i read each of them, i'd say "awwww.." then he'd come over to my side and give me kisses. so i'd enjoy the chocolate kisses and his kisses. :) :) :) he said that it doesn't take any special occasion for him to express what he feels for me. he wants to constantly remind me how much i mean to him. awwwwwww.... :D wala lang!

to be or not to be

2005-11-02T11:02:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm just getting older (and wiser! hehe).

i've been thinking about my future. what am i gonna do after i graduate? i know of a lot of people who have very definite paths. some are getting into law school. some are working for their family business. some are going abroad for "greener pasteurs". hell, mau hasn't even graduated yet, and she has gotten 2 job offers from 2 top corporations in the philippines. i envy people like those. they know what they want. they know how to achieve what they want.

while here i am sitting and wondering what the impending future awaits me. do i pursue a career in marketing? do i go to spain right away to find a job? do i try out being a flight attendant for 3 years so i can travel the world while i'm getting paid at the same time? do i work for our family business? do i marry fresh out of college and start a family? (ok, that last one is a little far-fetched!)

i feel like i want to do a lot of things in my life while i'm still young and healthy. i want to go to places, and explore the beauty of the world. i want to get a job that's sufficient. but more importantly, a job that i have passion for. a job that makes me want to look forward to waking up each day. i want to have a family! with that man i'm gonna love for the rest of my life, and children that would make my reason for breathing. one measure of success (for a woman, at least) is if one has raised her family well. i also want to go to spain and apply the language that i've had devoted my time and effort into learning. i think the problem lies in prioritizing. which is in the top of my list? what do i want to do first? the answer is...i don't know!!! hehehe!

i have around 1 year to get my priorities straight. hopefully i'll make the right choice. i hope that choice will bring me the happiness that i deserve! :)

where the party's at

2005-10-16T14:28:00.000+08:00

i've been seeing a lot of SG for the past months (every week!), and i'm loving it! nothing's better than being with the people who mean the most to me. last night was louie's debut at wack-wack. although we didn't know much of the people there, we still made it a point to enjoy ourselves. after the 21 gifts, it was supposed to be the "after-party". a bottle of mudshakes and a few shots of gin later, we conquered the dance floor with our adopted SG mates, namely carlo, sushee, toni and bea. as usual, ara and rissa were drunk again! ara was being her extra-vivacious self , while rissa was more subtle, but was doing her sexy grooves! they were even flirting with my hunny!! haha :)

at midnight, we were off to david's birthday party. unfortunately, when we got there, all our high school friends were leaving already. it's weird pala when you meet your ex, and you're with the present. especially when he (the ex) tries to avoid looking at your direction. haha! understandable. things will never be the same. that's just the way it is. and...frankly..i don't mind at all! haha :D

anyway, we stayed at david's for like an hour and a half. rissa and ara were talking to some ateneans (about sex i think! haha), while philip and i were outside having yet another one of our serious (but nice and assuring) conversations about...secret!
we could've continued talking til the sun rose (there's no stopping us!! - only my mom. haha), but sadly we had to leave.

on the way home, with the two boozehounds in dreamland, i was once again in the arms of the man i love. whispering sweet-nothings in each other's ears, i was reminded again of how great our relationship is, and how i wouldn't trade it for anything else in this world.

it's also great (and surprising) that a lot of people notice how happy i am now. and not only that, that we both look so cute together. hihi kinilig ang gaga.

i think i've turned into a cheesy person. i love it! haha :)

SIDENOTE: wala lang. he's so cute when he tells everyone how madly in love he is with me. (or how we are with each other.) AHHHHH!!!! :D couldn't have i asked for a better man?

back from the dead!

2005-10-09T12:43:00.000+08:00

yes, yes, i know it's been forever since i last posted. let's just say i was out and busy with someone. haha! yes, ladies and gentlemen, again i would like to say goodbye to my single-blessedness soul. i think i've finally found my perfect match!

his name is philip, and he's the greatest guy you can ever come across. no joke! i can make an endless list of things i love about him. on the other hand, i have to squeeze my brain cells out to even think of a single thing i hate about him. i find ways to love him more everyday. :D

what i like about US is that we can be very fun and spontaneous at one time, but can be very serious too. we can talk for hours about anything and everything that our interest can lie upon, and still we can't get enough of each other. hell, we can even stare at each other's face the whole day and smile for no reason, and yet being bored is the least thing we can think of! everyday we're swept into this crazy world of ours, where we are like deranged immature juveniles laughing and teasing like there's no tomorrow.

another overwhelming feeling is how my family loves him! i can leave him with any of my parents or my sisters in the dining table, and they would have their own conversation. after that monumental remark that my dad delivered (that of which i feel like putting on my epitaph, since it just comes once in a lifetime!), i realized that this was indeed right.

he is a sweetheart. eventhough we've just been together for a short time now, i've never felt so much love and assurance from a person. you know how you watch those romantic movies like jerry maguire, when the guy tells the girl sentimental lines such as "you complete me" your heart just melts in jealousy, wishing that the right man in your life can utter the same lines to you? well...let's just say i'm you real-life dorothy boyd (renee zellwegger in jerry maguire!) every single day. and it feels abso-fuckin-lutely great.

and it's just not those words that make a lot of difference, but how every gesture he makes, simple as they may seem, spells out the word LOVE.

funny, i told myself before that i'd give myself atleast a year before i get into another relationship. but..i had no idea something this great would come along. i'd rather NOT stick to my word, than to let this opportuntity pass. so, here's to promises made, and promises broken. hehe!

i always thought my ideal guy never existed. guess i thought wrong. :)

so yeah, i am very very very happy now! i couldn't ask for more. :p
i think i've been out of touch with the world for some time now. somebody please snap me back to reality!!

aren't we such cuties? ;)

2005-07-24T18:12:00.000+08:00

Lord, make me fall in love with you.

Breathe

2005-07-24T15:13:00.000+08:00

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've
Never been this swept away

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart

'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
I'm closer than I've ever felt before
And I know
And you know
There's no need for words right now

2005-07-13T23:35:00.000+08:00

i've said my piece.
but still i gain no response.
is this my fault?
i'm the victim, yet in the end i'm still the one giving in.
a peace of mind from both sides is all i ask.
tsk tsk tsk.
when will this drama ever end?
let's just move on, and close this chapter in our lives.
i know i have, you should too.

hakuna matata

2005-07-12T17:12:00.000+08:00

it means no worries for the rest of your days.
a "problem-free philosophy" which we all hope to fully understand and apply especially when you've got so much stress going on in our life (and to think that the stress is not related at all to academics!).

the past week has been hell. i've been feeling a whirlwind of emotions. i don't know what to think, to do, or to say. actually, this is something that can be handled lightly. i can just simply forget about it and move on with my life. but then again, it's easier said than done.

i don't want to give in to desperate people who have nothing important to do with their lives.
i don't want to stoop down to their level.
i don't have to prove anything to anyone.
i don't want this problem to reach its highest peak of severity.

again, i cannot tolerate people lambasting me with information that is based on falsity.

i'm glad though, that at the end of the day, someone's there holding my hand, and making me forget about this chaos surrounding our lives. i have never seen so much sincerity in a person my whole life. :)

an unexpected twist

2005-07-07T11:11:00.000+08:00

i don't appreciate in the slightest sense that a person is thinking ill of me, and accusing me of something that is merely based on a false assumption.

you do not know me.
you do not know what's really happening.
don't burden me with your reasons. don't implicate things by blaming me for the lost hope, and his decision in general.
so get over it.

i was dragged into this mess, and i don't deserve it.

i accept your apology. i appreciate that you're happy for me (that's what you say atleast). and i hope that whatever it is that's inside of you (literally and figuratively), it will work out for the best.

i'm putting this behind me.
i'm ending the drama now.

reasons why i'm happy

2005-07-01T23:16:00.000+08:00

1. i'm happy that i'm over IT na. it feels good that i haven't been burdened by that thing that has almost plunged me into misery a few weeks back. i've forgiven him. just like what my good friend francis said, "don't hate the player, hate the game". very true! the only thing lacking is the bridge that would connect us once again. all i can do is wait. :)

2. i'm happy with my OVP-ACT family. for once i feel that i belong in the SC ;) for the first time i look forward to meetings, because we just laugh and tease each other the whole time. i'm happy that simoun is a great leader, although overly flamboyant and frolicsome most of the time. he's a great boss, and a great friend. it's been a long time since i've heard the words "i'm just here if you need me" and "if you need a hug, i'm here" (with an uber gay tone, of course!), and surprisingly it came from him. i was touched. :x

3. i'm happy that almost every night, there's someone i can share my thoughts, feelings, and craziness to. :) because he's crazy too. ;P

4. i'm happy that i went out with SG again. i've missed them so much. being with them is actually a stress-reliever. (in that case, i need to see them everyday!!!)

5. i'm happy with my buddies; clang, melai and dax. because we're just so kulit! hehe and we all have one goal...at the end of the rainbow..is a gold thesis award. :D

6. i'm happy to be home. the smell of real food, the sound of my dad's nagging, the fastness of the internet, the space. everything!!

the perfect song

2005-06-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

Silence and quiet
Again in my life
Far from these moments
I wish I was

Passion and truth
We were about
Before these shadows
Stole the beat of our hearts

After all we have been through
I can only look at you
Through the eyes you lied to
I'm givin' up, givin' up
I'm givin' up on you
After all if there is no way out
If you cannot stand beside me
If there isn't love
There is only pride
I'm givin' up, I'm givin' up this fight

Undo this leash
You say I tied
When only our fears are to
blame this time
And what am I to you
Just spit it out
I'm not afraid of the words that you hide

Where do we go
Where did it all crash
When did it start to fall apart

Silence and quiet
Passion, the truth
Shadows, only shadows

bombshell

2005-05-18T15:01:00.000+08:00

**WARNING** the contents of this blog entry are semi details of my thoughts and feelings. it's in your discretion if you'd still want to read it. as for me, damn if you do, damn if you don't.

****

i was blinded by a superficial love built over, above, and around a big fat lie created by two selfish and hormonal monsters.

if there are people i cannot tolerate, they are cheaters. worse, cheaters who don't have the balls to admit their acts of disloyalty.

yes, i had a lying and cheating ex-boyfriend. (i've only had ONE ex-boyfriend, so go figure!)

the worse thing is, i only found out after we broke up. 3 months after we broke up. i only found out about it YEARS after the actual incident happened.

apparently, this ex of mine had been in a lip-locking session with some girl who happens to be MY FRIEND. (i refuse to give out this poor girl's name, but if you'd ask, i'd gladly tell you who.) sounds crazy huh? so much for the goody-two shoes we all perceive him to be. tsk tsk. bad things are done by people you don't expect to have the capacity to do so. kapal ng mukha. his reasons serve no justification whatsoever.

it all makes sense to me now. i don't regret breaking up with him anymore. actually, i regret being with him. sana hindi mo na lang ako binalikan. sana you just stayed with her. i didn't need someone like you. i would've had a better life with someone else.

am i angry? of course. who wouldn't be?
am i devastated? not really.
am i relieved? surely. breaking up with him was the right decision after all, and for once, i feel good about it.

if i had a tinge of hope before that after a few years, fate would bring us back together, well now, i don't. i have completely shut my doors. why am i making such a big deal about this right? after all, we had broken up, and there's nothing i can do about it. but i'm sure you guys would feel the same way when you're betrayed by someone who you lovED. AND, betrayed by your friend. and the fact that they didn't have the balls to tell me, it just made me look stupid all these years. we've been living under a lie. gawd, i wasted 3 years of my life.

i don't know if this is just the angst talking. and i don't know when i'm ever going to escape this madness. but this is what i'm feeling and thinking as of the moment.

i'm sure many people would ask if this is the right thing to do. it seems that an entry like this is meant for private journals. first of all, this is my only journal. second, at this stage, i'm being kind. i am capable of doing much more, but because of my sorta-compassionate heart, i can keep other things to myself. besides, i think people should know about stuff like these in order for them to derive some lesson that they can carry in their lives. third, i have to let this out. i can't keep this bottled inside of me. if it means posting it in a (public) journal, then let it be.

cliche: the truth will prevail. kaya be honest na to the people you love. labas niyo na lahat ng baho niyo. if they don't accept you for that, sorry ka na lang. you have to be responsible for your own actions..

you were a good riddance. no regrets AT ALL. you're a canniving and deceiving sleazeball, and i deserve someone way better than you.

i've longed for closure and finally i found it. THIS is my closure. thank you.

show me some LoVe

2005-05-16T22:28:00.000+08:00

i've been such an addict of Veronica Mars, and now i don't know what to do for 3 months (hiatus) while waiting for the second season! i just looooove logan echolls, because he's transformed from a complete jerk to an endearing and charming...asshole. i love it when he says/does sweet things to veronica, because even though it's a universal fact that he's an ass, you know that he's sincere.

this is my favorite:

Dick: What are you doing? Please tell me this is like a new reality show called "My Skank".
Logan: Goodbye Dick.
Dick: What?
Logan: If you have a problem with Veronica, then leave. Actually if you have a problem with Veronica you're kinda like dead to me, so, uh, just evaporate or something.
Logan (to everyone): That's kind of a general invitation. If you don't like my girlfriend then head to the rectangular thing with the knob.

ain't that just sooo sweet? ;)

acne acne acne. tsk tsk tsk.

2005-05-16T18:30:00.000+08:00

i'm having a pimple breakout.

don't you just hate acne? it starts invisibly small, then it becomes this big red mountain-like being. then when you least expect it, it pops and dispenses all the pus inside of it. sometimes it leaves a scar, but at times it seems like it never existed.

just like me. in just a matter of a few days, i'm about to blow up and release all the pressure inside my head. i'm just waiting for the perfect time. it's all about timing. so to that person involved, you better watch out. this serves as a warning.

weehee. i hope i can be pimple-free soon.

i'm back!

2005-05-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

after a 4-day shopping vacation, i'm finally home, unfortunately. my family went to hong kong to...basically shop. (ir de compras!) and over-all, it was okay. i mean i always have a blast when i'm in another country because it's good to change your environment once in a while. it is quite expensive there, surprisingly because a lot of people actually go there to shop for cheaper goods. if you plan to buy guccis, ferragamos, and the like, then that's the place to be because it's really less expensive.

here's an inventory of what i bought:
34 tops
4 pants
4 skirts
2 shoes (only!! can you imagine?!)
a pair of giordano socks (sorry, i had to finish my money haha)

some bloopers that i saw (i know we have a lot more here in the philippines!)
1. CAN NOT FITTING (in a clothing shop)
2. SPONG CAKE (in a supermarket)
3. FREE DUTY (instead of duty free. it's not a blooper, they say it like that talaga, just found it funny!)

saya! i was also supposed to meet up with JB, but due to our busy schedules, we weren't able to. we were planning to take lots of pictures pa naman, since it was one of those rare moments that we were in the same country at the same time, but wala eh. too bad. in his words, i'm sure we'll see each other in another country in the future. ;)

anyway, pics are up! >>CLICK HERE<<

my new love...

2005-05-11T19:35:00.000+08:00

i love you...

BO BICE!!!!

you ROCK my world!!
you're my american idol. :D

the power of three shall set us free!!

2005-05-11T19:03:00.000+08:00

....and the pasaways reunite!

after much postponement, our sleepover finally pushed through! it was basically the three of us: me, melai and cherry...the MOVE PASAWAYS!

first on our agenda was to watch willy wonka and the chocolate factory. yes! the old one! we finally got a copy of an orig DVD. for those who don't know, (i'm sure everybody does) this is the movie made in 1971, starring gene wilder. there's a remake coming up, entitled "charlie and the chocolate factory" with no other than the versatile and underrated actor johnny depp. it is of course, after "little spies", my all-time childhood movie. it was fun watching and singing along with the songs! we were craving for chocolate throughout the movie. and somehow it was as if we were warped into our childhood days. we dreamt of having a chocolate factory of our own. and we felt once again how to hope for the simplest of things, which brings us the biggest smiles. saya! especially the umpa-lumpas! ohhhhh, don't forget the umpa-lumpas!!

next, we played our ever favorite card game, called "good morning nine". we modified the rules a bit, so it would be more exciting. so instead of just laughing at the person who made the mistake, she would also have lipstick on her face, EVERY TIME she makes that mistake. siyempre, sa kagaguhan namin, puro kalokohan yung mga nilagay sa mukha. of course, all the more fun to play it!

BEFORE

AFTER

so guess who lost? edi sino pa! si melai!

all these coupled with our chikka-chikkas about our ever flourishing love lives (not! except for cherry!) made our sleepover complete. :D

for more pics, CLICK HERE!!

names names

2005-04-30T12:24:00.000+08:00

for lack of a better entry to write.

these are just some of the names i've been called by throughout the years:

karina - by those i'm not that close with
kars - by college friends!
kar- grade school days. yuck!
kars - by my high school buddies!
an/anna - family friends, relatives, and a few friends i'm close with (ex. jc, vida, and io!); basta this is my household name!
annababz - by my sisters!
babz - by nins my cousin
karz babz - my barkada! hehe
asswipe - my sister joybugs
anna banana/ annaban - again my sisters
aninay - mother!
precious - mother again!
kuto/kuts - my yaya! (hoy wala akong kuto ah!)
abadudi - my ninang tina
panget - dax ocheda. hihi
duds/dudi/toots/and other names he can think of - mig!
bispren - angeli
sis - macky, annabelle, and eya
greatnez - del, krissie, and joan cacaam

ok DEFINE whatever

2005-04-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

BETRAYAL
tr.v. be·trayed, be·tray·ing, be·trays

To be false or disloyal to
To lead astray; deceive

DECEIVE
v. de·ceived, de·ceiv·ing, de·ceives

To cause to believe what is not true; mislead.

(www.dictionary.com)

what a day! (last friday!)

2005-04-22T21:04:00.000+08:00

guess what! last friday, i got caught by the police...TWICE! the first one wasn't my fault. i got stuck in the middle of the road because of some sudden congestion upfront. the light turned red, and the policeman thought i beat the red light. used my charm (actually, i didn't, cuz i was almost shouting, as if scolding a young kid), and he let me go.

the second incident, i admit was entirely my fault! my very great friend (thank you very much!) gino called me up to nag me (haha), and the stupid me answered the fone...in MAKATI! wrong move, sistah. it was around 6:30 then, so the light on my celfone was clearly seen by the policeman. i was probably 20 meters away, and he was running after me. unfortunately, i was un-saved by the traffic. well, here's our exchange of words:

police: may violation ho kayo.
me: alam ko, kasalanan ko, i'm sorry.
police: lisensya na lang. (i hand him the license) kunin niyo na lang sa makati city hall.
me: ah o sige. (he leaves, calls someone on the radio. then goes back)
police: ano ba to, aareglohan (?) niyo na lang ba?
me: hindi, bigyan mo na lang ako ng ticket.
police: taga-saan po ba kayo? paranaque pa diba?
me: oo sa paranaque.
police: naku, laking abala po niyan, sa makati city hall niyo pa kukunin.
me: hinde, ok lang.

so now my license is in the makati city hall, and i have to pay a fee of 250.

i'm proud of myself for not initiating a bribe. i mean i would have, if i wanted to get away with it. but i didn't. if i did, i shouldn't complain that our politicians are corrupt. and besides, it was my fault, and i take the responsibility. i'd rather go through the hassle of getting my license at the makati city hall, that letting those suckers enjoy my money. that policeman must have really been frustrated! imagine, he ran after me, and he didn't get anything in the end.

funny, when i told my dad what happened to me that day, he goes, "baket mo binigay lisensya mo? dapat binigyan mo na lang ng 200!" tsk tsk tsk. DADDYYYY!!!

great day!

2005-04-22T00:51:00.000+08:00

today (april 21) was grrrrrreat! of course, what would be better than spending the day with your most cherished friends (awww...well mau wasn't there!) here's a timeline of my (our) day:

2:30 - sjeanz and i met up with rissa and ara!
2:55 - 3:55 - played billiards! rissa and ara (the bullied) won of course against sjeanz and me (the bullied)
4:00 - 5:00 - swimming!
5:45 - 6:45 - by this time, sjeanz had already left for a meeting. ara, rissa and i ate seafood marinara, double cheese pizza with mushroom and tapenade sauce. for dessert, we had a banana float and a slice of raspberry cheesecake! yum!
7:30 - 8:15 - we were basically distracting tito dino from work in pier one. hehe well eventually, we were tasked to do something! we fixed the WOW! philippines promotional materials by putting the pamphlets on the kiosk.
8:15 - 9:20 - hung out in pier one. drank a cookies n' cream and bailey's shake. yummy!! also listened to an acoustic band, with a lead singer lacking EMO!
9:30 - 10:00 - ate a mango graham funnel at the funnel cake factory. heaven! hindi pa daw mauubos. titikim lang daw. after 5 minutes, it was gone! nada. zilch! nothing left! it was yet another pigging out session. we had too much fun indulging. hi to DEE!

Pictures!!! >>Click Here<<

at the end of the day, we were so full. full of chlorinated water in our noses and ears. full of each other (haha!). full of laughter. full of joy and happiness. (senti!) and of course, full of food in our stomachs. (hindi ba obvious?)

2005-04-15T01:21:00.000+08:00

FYI brian, i know balls aren't directly used for fornication noh. mico and i were just caught up with the moment, and with all the sexual undertones, the line just immediately cracked us up. and well, the rest of the night we were using that line in every instance possible.

and...anywhere's possible. wala na atang pinipiliang lugar. haha

:))

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT

2005-04-14T12:54:00.000+08:00

penpen: nasan yung CR?
mico: andun o (pointing at the cr)
penpen: (jokingly) nasan na yung place for fornication?

we laugh.

penpen: edi ba, ganun talaga pag ball!?
kars: yes, that's what balls are for! no pun intended!

:))

last week recap

2005-04-11T00:50:00.000+08:00

WOOHOOs of the week:
- finishing this friggin rels paper!!
- being exempted from law exams, and getting a 4.0!
- a 3.0 in quatech! pucha, kala ko dos lang ako!
- drinking amarula, which eventually led to a revelation ;):
- taking a tour of intramuros
- breakfast at jollibee at 3 in the morning
- bonding with one of my greatnezes
- coffee at coffee bean and tea leaf
- dinner and movie with simoun, melai, cherry, joan, melo and clang!
- pomelo with plum powder :)
- seeing beanie!! such an adorable baby =)
- a new skirt
- indulging in chocolates at a parking lot!
- getting caught by the cops. scary!!
- si mau at si vince na! woohoo!
- dinner at CPK
- driving around mindlessly

BOOs of the week:
- missing SG get together at mau's before her singapore trip
- walang tulugan with dax for accounting
- a friend disappointing me :(
- discovering another friend's assholic activities
- staying home because of a useless term paper
- wrist-ache. carpal tunnel!!! :(

closer

2005-04-09T08:56:00.000+08:00

i'm addicted to the truth.
i'm getting closer.
watch out.

questions questions

2005-04-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

CURRENT..
- Current Clothes: my favorite terranova pants, and a blue tank top
- Current Mood: happy!
- Current Music: alternative songs sung by girls! femme fatale!
- Current Taste: vanilla ice blended from coffee bean and tea leaf
- Current Make-up: revlon lipstick!
- Current Hair: tied! ponytail..
- Current Smell: Kenzo. just love the smell :)
- Current thing I ought to be doing: i should be doing my papers!!
- Current Desktop Picture: hmm...some abstract picture
- Current Favorite Artist: hirap ah, dami eh! i would have to say...gin blossoms! old school!
- Current Favorite Group: freestyle! love your own :D
- Current Book: Second Draft of My Life (seems like i've been reading this forever!)
- Current CD in CD Player: kitchie nadal! :)
- Current Color Of Toenails: silverish pinkish!
- Current Refreshment: coffee! hehe
- Current Worry: projects, papers, finals.

LAST PERSON..
- You Touched: my sister!
- You Talked to: JB!
- You Hugged: brian i think..
- Instant messaged: k-ann!
- You Yelled At: hmmm...i'm a good girl :)
- You Kissed: my sister! happy birthday ja!
- Who Kissed You: sister uli! she kissed me back!

FAVORITE..
- Foods: anything except for bitter vegetables!
- Drink: tequila! haha lasenggera
- Color: blue...
- Album: mandy moore's coverage, and kitchie nadal's album
- Shoes: my bass boots, and nafnaf flipflops!
- Candy: mentos! and fox!
- Animal: i hate animals. but puppies are cute
- TV Show: alias, CSI, desperate housewives, tru calling, veronica mars, one tree hill
- Movie: a lot! just look at my friendster. hehe
- Song: sheesh this is hard. hmmm...i duno! dami..
- Vegetable: carrots? lettuce? kangkong!
- Fruit: mango (with cottage cheese...yummm!!)
- Cartoon: lion king!

ARE YOU...
- Understanding: yes very much!
- Open-minded: uh huh!
- Arrogant: am i? i don't think so.
- Insecure: sometimes!
- Interesting: i really don't know...
- Hungry: ako pa! they don't call me babz for nothing :D- Friendly: yeah...ako pa!!!
- Smart: aba siyempre! kapal ng mukha
- Moody: yes
- Childish: yeah you can call me immature
- Independent: that's how my parents brought me up to be :D
- Hard working: well at times. hehe paminsan tinatamad
- Healthy: gusto ko magpataba!
- Emotionally Stable: well i'm not going psycho, so i guess i am!
- Shy: sometimes! especially when i'm around people i don't know..
- Difficult: it depends on the situation..
- Attractive: hmmm...ewan. who cares!
- Bored Easily: depends sino kasama...
- Messy: yes! burara ang lola mo!
- Thirsty: nah, just had a drink :D
- Responsible: i'm an emerging leader (hahaha!)
- Obsessed: with myself, yes! haha just kidding.
- Angry: nope!
- Sad: ...............
- Happy: in some way, yes!
- Hyper: i'm always perky!
- Trusting: yes, diba paolo? hahaha *wink*
- Talkative: depends if you're likable!
- Legal: i'm 20, turning 21, is that legal enough?

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
- Kill: haha i'm sure brian wants to kill somebody. ako wala naman :D
- Slap: i duno! i don't have enemies!
- Get Really Wasted With: with SG!
- Get High With: high on what? high on laughter and happiness? with mah beloved fwends :D
- Tickle: my sister right now, para magising!
- Look Like: sandra bullock ok na ako. :D
- Talk To Offline: whoever interesting!
- Talk To Online: whoever interesting!

. . . . . . . . . .

2005-04-02T20:47:00.000+08:00

one more friggin week to go and i'm free as a bird!

i haven't been able to sleep much lately because of projects, specifically that one project, my AUTObiography...i missed all my classes yesterday to catch up on my sleep! brian picked me up supposedly to have a late lunch, but being his usual unpunctual self, it ended up as a dinner instead!

conversations with brian are always interesting. i can't believe how much he knows about history! he even knows the dates! of course, in an instant he became my repository of information about hitler, bush, kerry, the germans, and just about anything! we spent most of the night in powerbooks, looking at a variety of interesting novels, and browsing through history (particularly anything about war) books. we ended the night with a taste of kiamoy (actually it's plum powder!), something he hasn't tasted all his life!!

today i attended the first meeting of the OVP-ACT. the thing i love most about these things is that i meet new people. i'm looking forward to working with these guys. :)

today is also the wedding of brian's brother. according to him, they both looked so happy (malamang diba!). sweethearts from college. ain't that sweet or what? they've been together for 9 years. 9 years!! funny how love works. well, we can't hurry love. we just have to wait for the right person to come our way. in the meantime, just collect and collect! hehehe just messing. :)

hay. i wish to find my happiness. :D

2005-03-31T07:28:00.000+08:00

last night was a confirmation of two things:
1. we are getting older. we were talking about babies (well, probably because somebody was pregnant), about our futures, and all the things that adults talk about. but there was still a lingering aura of immaturity in the room (headed by gayness and greatness krissie). anyway, so kumusta naman ang nanay mo? haha!

2. he's gone. he just is. sad, but true. sucks, but i have to accept it. i thought it was a brave step (although i think it was indeed, in some way), a step that would lead to an opportunity, but i guess i thought wrong. let me put it into perspective. it was like two people who had common friends, but were never introduced the whole night.

it was hard seeing you and not talking to you. i understand your sentiment, but i think that in order to move on you have to confront the evil in your life (that's me!). i didn't expect for us to talk as if nothing happened, but at least there should've been a greeting of some sort. i tried looking at you to gesture (a nod or something) a sign of acknowledgement of your presence, but you never looked my way. i know i know, easier said than done. i guess i just wanted it to go one step higher. who was i kidding, right? it will be IN YOUR TIME. i'm just waiting.

weird. i understand, but i guess i don't completely. last night even added to the confusion.

good thing someone saved my night.

SAME GROUND
Kitchie Nadal

My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue.
It's hard leaving you that way whenI never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
It's strange i never would've
Wanted if until there was you.
Because i have learned that love is beyond
What human can imagine,
The more it clears
The more i have to let you go.

CHORUS:
But now i don't understand why im feeling
So bad now when i know it was my idea.
I could've just denied the truth and lied.
But why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?

My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue.
It's hard leaving you that way whenI never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
It's strange i never would've
Wanted if until there was you.
because i have learned that love is a
Word gets thrown a little bit too much.
The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
I never have to if all else fail

Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,
Would you be brave to see right through me?

survey daw!

2005-03-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

( ) snuck out of the house.
(x) gotten lost in your city.
( ) seen a shooting star.
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
( ) gone out in public in your pajamas.
( ) kissed a stranger.
( ) hugged a stranger.
( ) been in a fist fight.
( ) been arrested
( ) done drugs.
(x) had alcohol
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
( ) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) swore at your parents
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love.
(x) been to a casino.
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
( ) been high
( ) skinny-dipped.
(x) skipped school
( ) flashed someone.
( ) saw a therapist.
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour..
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox.
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex..
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn`t have them back.
( ) stolen something from your job (school)
( ) gone on a blind date...
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher.
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans -- yeah i wish!!
(x) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die.
( ) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
( ) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs.
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) fired a gun --> water gun! haha
(x) purposely hurt yourself.
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

hay, it seems like my life is such a bore. i need to do something exciting! any suggestions??

lifesaver!

2005-03-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

mr. david lee is my good samaritan!! i was too ambitious to even attempt to edit our video project on my own. good thing david offered to help out, since his computer is set up for video editing. after 7 gruelling hours of editing using adobe premiere last sunday, it was finished!! david really has the knack for those kinds of stuff. the guy's got talent! so thanks dave! it really means a lot. :)

after an awkward moment somewhere that night, we had a really nice conversation on our way home. there were a lot of catching up, since we haven't really spoken to each other for ages and ages hence. hehe

so after one big burden, i have 4 more project papers to go. isn't school life just fun or what?

oh, spent the weekend in tagaytay too - our module 3 for MOVE. i really had a good time reflecting and communicating with God. i needed that, given the hustle and bustles of my stressful student life. all 15 of us are looking forward for our tarpaulin to be placed around school (somewhere visible!!) when we graduate. we can just picture ourselves...an 18-foot tarp with whole body shots. nice! hindi na sisikat ang araw sa LS!!! plus! we also plan to put our faces in the electronic board. o, ibang level na toooo!!!

on another note, once again, i'm hosting the senior's ball (catch2t5), with of course my ever-reliable partner mico geronimo. career ko na ata to! i just hope nobody will text me after a month and.....diba mico?? hehehe *inside joke* i'm looking forward to this event. :D

give me an S-T-R-E-S-S!

2005-03-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

it was a very bad day for me.
there were quite a few irritating people.

funny, i have so much things to do. i have soooo little time, and yet i don't feel the stress yet. i know it's coming, and i'm not doing anything about it.

i am a crammer indeed! eto ang napala ko sa sanago.

on a lighter note...

congratulations to gino and his group for passing their thesis defense. woohoo! the long-awaited culmination of your thesis which you seem to be doing all your life has finally come! haha! gold thesis na 'to!!!

congrats also to steph's group for passing! long way to go! :)

weekend at last!

2005-03-11T23:46:00.000+08:00

WOOHOOs OF THE WEEK:
- an 11 1/2-hour sleep
- gino's treat to a free lunch at cibo rockwell
- a smooth enrollment
- yellow cab dinner with cousins and boyfriend
- an on-the-spot flash tutorial with kiraners
- winnie monsod's talk about fiscal crisis and vat increase (i don't regret cutting my law class!)
- eating at THE VENUE (after 10000 years) with jojo
- a 98% in my quatech quiz
- a call from someone i least expected
- seeing gino's house...shet! GANDA!!
- reading ara's "yb essay"
- wearing my new shoes
- seeing my new crush! (magiging akin ka rin!! bwahahaha! joke!)
- dinner at friday's and a movie with chris (just tonight)

BOOs OF THE WEEK:
- my laptop breaking down
- finding out something that a friend had committed. :(
- an 85/100 in my accounting quiz! ARG! (what's happening to my 4.0 midterm grade? mag-aral ka nga!!!)
- politicking during campaign and elections
- no internet..bwishet!

nina sings in ghastly ways

2005-03-11T16:25:00.000+08:00

nina's remake of "love moves in mysterious ways" is such a big disgrace.

to put it in simon's words, it's ghastly with a capital G.

julia fordham would be throwing her radio out of the window if she heard this.

life's little instructions

2005-03-09T19:14:00.000+08:00

sing in the shower.
treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
watch a suncrise at least once a year.
never refuse homemade cookies.
strive for excellence, not perfection.
plant a tree on your birthday.
learn three clean jokes.
return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank FULL.
never waste an opporutnity to tell someone you love them.
leave everything a little better than you found it.
think big thought but relish small pleasures.
become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
say "thank you" a lot.
say "please" a lot.
avoid negative people.
wear polished shoes.
remember other people's birthdays.
commit yourself to constant improvement.
have a firm handshake.
send lost of valentine cards, sign them.
look people in the eye.
be the first to say "hello".
return all the things you borrow.
make new friends but cherish the old ones.
keep secrets.
plant flowers every spring.
have a dog.
always accept an outstretched hand.
stop blaming others.
take responsibility for every area of your life.
wave at kids on schoolbuses.
be there when people need you.
don't expect life to be fair.
never understimate the power of love.
drink champagne for no reason at all.
live your life as an exclamation, not as an explanation.
don't be afraid to say, "i made a mistake".
don't be afraid to say, "i don't know".
compliment even small improvements.
keep your promises no matter what.
marry only for love.
rekindle old friendships.
count your blessings.
call your mother.
and your dad too.

positive motivating force

2005-03-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

yes, i still think about him. everyday. toughie oustide, softie inside.

i often wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking, what he's feeling. if he still loves me, misses me, or at least cares for me. but at the end of the day, i always tell myself that it shouldn't matter anymore. give the guy a break. give yourself a break. it's over. what matters most is that we're friends (at least i hope to be).

i've always had this idea of us being so close again. ya know, with pure intentions and all. just like how we started out to be. when i can still hangout with his family and friends whom i love so dearly, when we'd still tell each other's secrets. and all those tootsy-rootsy things bestfriends do. but after much mind-boggling deliberation, i've accepted the fact that things can't be as picture perfect. maybe close, but not really. it would take a lot of courage from the both of us. after all this, can we still have a platonic relationship? maybe. but i don't really know.

yes, i'd still be glad when he'd call or text me to say that he's ready to at least be in the same room with me. wow, that would make my day. but as of now, i'm not really expecting it anymore, even though there's still a hole in my heart, and i feel incomplete. but i completely understand his disposition. i just don't want to bring in false hopes, just like what i've been doing for the past two months. it's a sucky feeling. a feeling that i dread, especially when mind lapses occur.

hirap pala, pero kaya.

mortal combat

2005-03-06T18:01:00.000+08:00

me, sjeanz, and rissa. off to battle!! :))

the heat is on

2005-03-03T21:21:00.000+08:00

i can't wait for my summer vacation!!

it's going to be a productive summer.

i'm excited, exhilirated, ecstatic!
i'm charged and ready to go!

i don't wanna say anything yet, because it might be jinxed.
i'll say what it is when i know that it's gonna push through for sure. :)

Jesus fills the void in each one of us.

2005-02-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

i had an epiphany of some sort today.

while i was at mass, i realized that i haven't given much importance to the Lord. for the past how many years, i've been preoccupied with my acads, with extra-curricular activities, with friends, with my boyfriend (now my ex), that i never took the effort to strengthen my faith, even though i knew for a fact that it was deteriorating, weakening by the day. i always told myself and other people that my growing faith is a gradual process. i needed time to find myself and the Lord. but yun nga, did i actually do anything about it? none at all. it was always against my will to pray, to go to mass, and to confess (because i didn't believe in it). i didn't feel that i was loved by God, heck i even had doubts He even existed.

but...after hearing the priest's homily, it just struck me. i almost cried in the middle of the mass, good thing i controlled myself.

how can i have neglected Him for how many years? i shouldn't only turn to him if i have problems, or if i want something in my life. i should be grateful. i am indebted to Him, for all the continuous blessings i have received despite the crumbling faith i have given to Him in return.

maybe another factor to this was my conversation with melai earlier. she showed me how God's love can be so...encompassing, that with His love, everything around you would be okay. every battle can be conquered.

it was the first time in my whole life that i felt good going to mass. every song i sung was heartfelt. every word that came out of my mouth unfeigned. :D

in the mood to blog!

2005-02-27T14:34:00.000+08:00

i watched phantom already, finally!! mig and i watched last thursday, after a long series of unfortunate kabusyhan. hmm..what can i say? of course i'd still be partial to the play, but the movie was great too. the music was enchanting, the characters were engaging. i loved masquerade, all i ask of you, and music of the night. it was as if i was brought back to the time when i was watching it in london. sarap. :)

*sidenote: ang kulit ni mig! pero aliw! because it was his second time to watch, he was always nudging me when songs such as all i ask of you and think of me were about to start. AND, he was telling me how distracting...the...toot toot toot toot...i think it's just between him and me. haha! *wink* ;)

pics affax!

2005-02-27T13:43:00.000+08:00

ok, so now i'm fond of uploading pics in my blog. pardon me. for lack of better pics to upload, here are some parts of our newly-renovated house!

my beeyotiful room! magulo lang..

the den/office. my mom and sisters are making earrings. :)

the hallway. soooo white!

the dining and living room. notice my beeyotiful piano at the back!

our fascination with shoes...(hindi pa lahat yan!)

...and bags...

that's all!!

par-tay!

2005-02-27T13:09:00.000+08:00

we went to a party organized by UP JMA (congrats biyatch!), called Absolute Zero, at Racks El Pueblo. i didn't imagine racks could be a party place. i always thought it was just some place that served chicken. hehe! anyway, it was a blast! there was a fashion show sponsored by nafnaf (i think), with o-kay girls and hotttt guys. and the rest of the night was spent drinking and dancing the night away! i only had a bottle of beer though. i didn't feel like drinking last night. there were 2 artistas who dropped by, and they were hot. while we were groovin', rissa was pushing me towards their direction, actually she practically dragged me, but i refused to go near them. haha! i guess i'm not aggressive enough. lam mo naman, hindi sanay. dibale, next time. :) anyway, that's the price of being single right? haha! malandi ka! just messing. crazy vince hipol was asking me where jb was, i'm like, i dunno. i'm not his keeper. hehe! that sounds familiar. soo high school.

ANYWAY, here are just some of the pics..

look how dark i am! (yes mig, nognog nako!) that's what you get when you go to bantayan, bohol, and boracay in a span of two weeks. :) oh, sjeanz wasn't able to make it. :(

ara and i having a bottle or two. hehe!

SG minus sjeanz plus vince and juancho. :)

hopeful

2005-02-27T02:20:00.000+08:00

i was browsing through my fone a while ago, and stumbled upon THE "special message".

sent April 2001.

even though i've changed phones a couple of times, i make it a point to save that message in my new one. even now. it is one message that i will keep and cherish.

i am hopeful that he sticks to his word. even though it may take a while. if not, then i guess it's our loss. his and mine. because i know for a fact that i will not make the first move. why not? he knows.

2005-02-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

cheers to efforts and other things unappreciated! :)

pasaway

2005-02-24T03:21:00.000+08:00

melai, cherry, and me

just some of the reasons why we are pasaways:
1. we are always oblivious to the things happening around us ("huh? ano yon?")
..
..
..
..

i guess that's just it. but that says a lot! no one should ask us about any detail about move's projects because...again, we won't know anything. we don't write on our journals regularly, and we don't even pass them at times (especially melai and i!). basta, pasaway talaga! we can't even get over it!

ladeeda!

2005-02-24T02:43:00.000+08:00

it's 3:00 a.m. and i'm still wide awake! it must be all that caffeine i had for the day.

before proceeding to my kwentos, just a moment of reflection.
do i really look like josh groban?

there have been a lot of people telling me that i look like him (or he looks like me? dream on!). i remember it starting with jeremy when we were in high school. haha! totoo nga siguro. i'll take that as a compliment, i guess. wish ko lang, ganun din ako kagaling kumanta!

anyway, how was my day? it was pretty exciting than usual. i finally went to the head office of starbucks and attended the coffee seminar. though not officially, i think i'm already accepted. i'm just not sure which branch i'm working in. hopefully it'll be the one in taft, for convenience sake. we were entertained by LOVE (he's a guy! and that's his real name). he's pretty cool and funny. we tasted two types of coffee, a colombian one, and the one from sumatra. the indonesian coffee smelled and tasted like moistened earth. ughhh, not really one of my favorites, but i guess i have to get used to it.

i met dianne, she's a graduating student from la salle, taking up bio. she's also working part time before she gets into med school. she was kind and sweet :)

just some trivia about starbucks:
- the first starbucks branch was established in 1971, in Seattle
- why STARBUCKS? it was named after STARBUCK, a character in the novel moby dick who served coffee all the time.
- all of starbucks's pastries complement certain types of coffee. ex. the ensaymada should be eaten with the sumatran coffee
- how to taste coffee:
1. smell
2. slurp ( i know it's bad manners, but it's an exception when tasting coffee)
3. locate the part of the tongue where the taste lingers
4. describe the taste

wala lang! exciting because it's something different from the routinary things i do everyday.

i've been having very good conversations with brian lately. conversations about life and everything in between it. i like talking to brian. i feel comfortable. i am not reluctant. i always look forward. :D

anyway, i can't believe i haven't watched the phantom of the opera yet! of all people, me! me, a musical fanatic! i haven't had the time to. actually i just slack off at home. hihi! chris and i was talking earlier today, and we agreed that the musical loses its magic because it's mainstream na. everybody's liking it, posting lyrics on the net and stuff. hello, you guys are a decade late! haha! i remember when i was in grade 4, i was already singing songs such as "all i ask of you" and "masquerade". but it's comforting that people liked the movie. well, good for hollywood. what more when RENT is released! i think it would be even more successful than phantom. woohoo! i'm finally watching phantom tomorrow (i mean later!). sooo...good for me!

agh! i can foresee the impending stress ahead of me.
comlaw, rels, markcu, jprizal, accounting.
crap!

i'm back to student mode. i have law midterms, and there are like 200 pages to study. for 40 damn points!

absurdity!!

from one crisis to another

2005-02-17T17:07:00.000+08:00

tita cheng passed away today. :(

tita cheng is the youngest sister of my dad.

this is all a big shock to us, because everything was so sudden. she's a perfectly healthy woman, no medical background whatsoever. we got a message one day from my uncle in the states that she was in critical condition. she was swollen, and she had blotches on the skin. she was in a coma. probably clinically dead. doctors initially diagnosed it as meningitis. the next day, she suffered a heart attack. doctors tried to revive her, fortunately they gave her another opportunity to live. but she had momentary seizures. her immediate family was faced with the crucial decision of signing the DNR (do not recussitate), meaning if ever she'd suffer another heart attack, doctors wouldn't revive her anymore.

i got a text from ate kattie a little past noon that she passed away already. tears started to gather, but i composed myself. but i just needed to get out of the seminar i was in. i went to the nook, and finally i burst into tears. (thanks RA for the comfort) i guess i just never expected things to turn out this way. it's sad that we never had the chance to thank her for her goodness.

my dad must be devastated inside. but he's "mr. cool calm and collected" eh, kaya walang bakas sa mukha.

agh. it hasn't sunk in yet. this is the first time in my mature sense of self, that a very close person to us has died.

the last was my mamita. 1995. i was living in the states during that time, and she'd come to celebrate christmas with us. she helped us with the household chores (washed the dishes, etc.) but we always forced her not to because her arthritis could worsen. she died 3 months after. worse thing is, we were still in the states, and we weren't able to go back to the philippines for her funeral. but i'm glad that we spent the last few months with her.

why do bad things happen to good people? this is yet another eye-opener for me. life is too fragile. too short. we better appreciate and love every second that we have. take every chance to tell people what we feel towards them, before everything is too late.

to tita cheng, thanks.
you will always be remembered.

truth is

2005-02-16T15:22:00.000+08:00

words of wisdom from ms. eya parungao. :) luv ya sis!!

"The loss of someone you love and the loss of a best friend at the same time is rather difficult. And as if physical distance isn't enough, the fact that he's not even trying to make himself present in your life, even as a friend, is just agony escalated."

so true.

the week that was

2005-02-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

monday:
i cut my jprizal class because i wasn't exactly feeling well. it's a girl thang, so don't ask. i slept from 2:30 - 6, studied til around 8:30. slept again at 9, woke up at 11, hoping to read my law book. well in fairness, i read like 5 pages of it. slept again at 12, and woke up at 9. that's a grand total of....14 hours and 30 minutes of sleep!!!! yes, i am a pig. was, is, and always will be. they don't call me babz for nothing!

tuesday:
the longest one hour of my life in comlaw class. moksy was already my seatmate, and i'm sure that from this time on, we're gonna have a blast. after class, moksy and i went to rizal to watch the semi-finals of the volleyball shakey's whatever. lady archers vs. lady knights (letran), and lo and behold, we won! i miss playing volleyball, especially with my intrams teammates! so macky and to all volleyballers, magplano na tayo please! just one saturday in csa. fun fun! it will bring back old memories, and hopefully build stronger relationships! so...tara na!

wednesday:
the most stressful day of the week! i had 2 tests, one in QUATECH and another in RELSFOR. both went pretty fine. to top it all off, i had to prepare for a quiz in accounting, 2 oral recitations (one in markcu and another in comlaw) and a book report for thursday! and of course i had to watch american idol! har har. i slept at home because i had to use the computer the whole night. sooo...woohoo!

thursday:
so all the aforementioned stuff for thursday all went well. cherry, JR and i went to sm manila originally to have plaques made for our speakers on sunday, but it would take them a week to finish 5 plaques, and a rush charge of P1000. a big no-no!! JR was really persistent as he haggled with the salesladies, i think they were actually getting pretty much annoyed with him. haha! but he did a great job. he was able to lower the rush charge from 1000 to 300. well, too bad for them, because it was still a no-no. ergo, we decided to just have certificates printed and we'd just place them in frames. when we arrived in school at around 7, we were already late for our MOVE meeting. but all's well, we had a valid excuse.

friday:
it's 2:00 in the morning, and melai and i weren't asleep yet. after the MOVE meeting, i kinda convinced her to sleepover at our place. well, she easily gave in, so we got her stuff from her condo, grabbed some coffee from starbucks (with ina!), and went up to my place and just lounged around doing whatever things (answered a grammatically incorrect survey, watched american idol, and chitchatted). we wanted to watch high fidelity (i borrowed the dvd from jeremy). for some reason, the dvd wouldn't play in my cousin's laptop. so while downloading codecs and dvd players, we chatted with mico boobs. haha! tinulugan kami, edi natulog narin kami.

now i'm home sweet home! i have a 9:30 make-up class in comlaw, which totally sucks. but i'm looking forward to a badminton game (lesson?) tomorrow!

highlight of the day:
- just found out that i got a 105/100 in my accounting exam. woohoo!
- watched high fidelity, and alex and emma. *sigh*

paranoia

2005-02-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

my dad was rushed to the hospital last night. he initially felt dizzy at one point in the night, and so he and my mom went to the nearby clinic to have him checked up. the doctor said that he had very frequent cardiac skipbeats. it's always scary when it has something to do with one's heart, cuz it can end your life in just one snap. anyway, my sister, who's a doctor, suggested that he be brought to the hospital because we don't really know if he's having a stroke or a heart attack already. and so they did. i went to visit my dad after class because no one was there to watch over him. when i got to the ICU (he's supposed to be in the telemetry but they don't have any space), and when i saw him lying on the bed with oxygen tubes and dextrose, and whatever equipment attached to his body, i almost shed a tear. it was just so...sad, i guess. it's not something that i'm used to. although he has mild diabetes, he's not really the type to get sick, more so be confined in a hospital. so now i'm so paranoid that something bad might happen to him (knock on wood), but i know that God is with us, and He'll help him get through this. he's scheduled to have a heart ultrasound tonight, so that they may find out the source of the cardiac skipbeats. hopefully, it won't be too serious.

oh, i felt so guilty because last night, he asked me if i know how to take the BP (blood pressure), and then i go "hmmm oo pero hindi accurate! sabi ko sayo bumili ka na ng electronic BP eh!" the next thing i knew, they were out of the house and on their way to the hospital. :(

anyway, thanks to everyone's comfort and prayers. :)

bummin'

2005-01-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

OMG! i cannot believe i haven't watched elektra yet. my sister said it's not that good. that the story moves kinda slow. but heck, i just wanna see the ass-kicking jennifer garner do her stuff! i'm not denying, i am a die-hard J.Ga fan.

talk about being a loser.

recommended!

2005-01-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

i just finished reading "My Legendary Girlfriend"by Mike Gayle. to ram and mela (and to everyone for that matter), my "legendary girlfriend" ym status is not alluding to anyone in particular, heehee. anyway, it's a really funny book for those who are hopeless romantics, and in a quest for the true meaning of love. light reading lang, around 350 pages. it has a touch of british and dry humor, so if you don't get it, get lost.

next on my list:
god of small things by arundhati roy (hahabulin kita melai!)
second draft of my life by sara lewis

commute affax!

2005-01-29T20:29:00.000+08:00

first of all, congratulations to me! today, i woke up at 6:00 am to experience the adventure of my life. from ara's house, i took the tryke (whatever the spelling!) up to mini-stop. then i rode the LRT-3, better known as MEGATREN, til recto station. i didn't really get lost finding the megatren station, but i was really afraid of crossing the street, not because i didn't know how to (well, that SHOULD BE the topmost reason! haha and yes, i don't know how to cross the street, right cherry?), but because there was a pedestrian lane, and no stoplight! vehicles at 80 mph. that scared the shit out of me.

walk walk walk, then i was already in the d. jose LRT-1 station, where i would get off at vito cruz. at first i kinda got lost going to that station because melai told me that there was a connecting bridge. apparently, there wasn't. fortunately, there was this other girl taking the same route as i am, and traveling the roads of ignorance like some person i know (huh? that me?!). so we asked the guards, bought the tickets, and rode the train together. my imagination was actually acting up again, thinking that while we were walking she'd snatch my bag, or she'd lead me to a place where guys would circle around me and point a gun at me or something. you know how some people are, they look very decent on the outside, but in reality they're goons waiting for their fish of the day. lady, you're messing with the wrong person here! my fone can probably be sold at 1000 bucks, and i have 100 pesos in my wallet. i'm not worth all that trouble!

it was a good (good nga ba o bad?) one hour commute. it was so exasperating! the sweltering heat, the swarms of people, and the constant fear of getting lost or being held up. although i must hand it to you, the megatren station in katipunan is great! it's clean, spacious, and organized. it resembles the train stations in singapore. anyway, i was supposed to be in lasalle at 8, but i got there at around 8:30, and fortunately for me the seminar hadn't started yet.

so why am i going gaga over this? well, for one, it's my first time to commute from katipunan to taft, and the fact that i was ALONE made it more exciting. yes, again it was a big stress, and i still cannot imagine how people go through their daily routine of commuting to and fro their houses, but i duno...i guess it just brings an exhilirating feeling and a sense of fulfillment of doing something new and different for a change. for some reason, i felt like i was normal. for the longest time, i was a sheltered child. in high school, after events such as fr. rodriguez's and fr. mazana's birthday, or periodical exams, where we were dismissed at 12 (we called it "half-day"), everybody walked to glorietta for their after-school gimik. i couldn't! i always had my driver around, or i always had to hitch with somebody to get there. (pero siyempre tumatakas ako! ;) ) where's the fun in that? it was just in college that my parents gave us the liberty to do whatever we wanted to do. just take extra precaution. i do commute occasionally, but not this far. so there!

i can now say that i'm a commuter.

well, not really. hehe :)

NOTE: last night was juancho's birthday party. fun fun! shit shit! surprisingly, i didn't get drunk. yes people, i do have self-control. i know my limits! i was mulling over how i'd get home. i had 3 options.

1.) jb offered to bring me home, since he also had a party in katipunan. but he was leaving at around 11, and i didn't want to go home that early. soooo...next!
2.) i'd sleepover at juancho's house, since sjeanz is also sleeping over. then the next day, if louie was not bangag enough, he'd to take me straight to lasalle. (see, we have an affair now! lakas ko!)
3.) i'd sleepover at ara's place. then the next day, kuya lui would drop me off at the MRT station.

i took option 3. when ara and i arrived at her place at around 1:30 (?), we settled down. but i wasn't sleepy yet, so we helped mark paint his incredibles poster. that guy is some artist! we slept at 3, and woke up at 6. i remembered melai telling me the way to katipunan through lrt and megatren. i texted her to clarify and thank god she was awake at 6 in the morning! savior! turns out that her way is easier and more convenient.

the rest is...history? labo. well you just read the rest of the story. hehe

learnings for the week

2005-01-23T23:43:00.000+08:00

1. be honest about how you feel towards other people.
2. don't ask. don't even try. especially if you know the person won't budge. it's just a pain in the ass. just understand and accept the person's reasons. maybe you're not worth telling. but nevertheless, don't ask. again. ever. about anything.
3. cherish old and new friends.
4. confront or ignore? confront. but now is not the right time.

insensitive

2005-01-21T08:24:00.000+08:00

you just had to do it huh? that's it. i've officially given up.

four's a crowd

2005-01-20T05:39:00.000+08:00

on second thoughts, i'm not looking forward pala to meeting my new roommates. it's gonna be too chaotic around here. too messy. too crowded. four of us staying here means four people sharing the radio, the computer, and the tv. and more dishes to wash. hehe! and besides, living with people i barely know makes me feel uncomfy. my cousin and i won't be able to walk around naked (haha! diba mic?) and to be our own cluttered selves.

in short, i won't be me.

i'm contented with the way things are. i'm loving the space and the occasional silence. ;)

waiting in vain

2005-01-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

things are gonna be changing. and i wait in anticipation. ;)

boredom strikes back

2005-01-17T16:08:00.000+08:00

staying here in the condo is really getting to be a bore. i don't do anything except watch tv and go online. i don't even study sometimes! i'm tired of cooking. i'm tired of eating fast food. there are times when there's really nothing to eat. i miss chitchatting with my sisters, bugging my mom and my dad, telling my driver to shut up and stop being an asshole, and making kulit my yaya. if things were going my way, i'd go home everyday, but there are certain reasons why i should still stay at this forsaken place.

i guess this is one step to absolute independence.

i'm looking forward to meeting my new roommates. :)

should i?

2005-01-17T15:19:00.000+08:00

should i buy an iPod shuffle? check it out here.

when i heard about this from gino, i immediately told my sister to tell my dad to buy me one! my dad said okay, surprisingly! but actually, he has been saving up to buy an iPod, because he has been seeing pilots buying iPods and out of curiosity asked them about it, and became interested! he said he'll save from his per deims and buy one when he goes to hong kong. anyway, when my sister's boyfriend gave her an iPod for christmas, i guess my dad didn't find any use in buying another one because technically we have one already. but since apple came out with the shuffle, for only $99 (roughly P5500), it wouldn't hurt to have another iPod at home. well actually, one for the condo, and one for the house! excuses, excuses. ;)

i think iPod shuffle is just right. its memory is only 512 mb, and can store up to approximately 120 songs. i mean 4 gb of songs sounds great, but do i really need it? if i get tired of the songs, then i can easily change it. and more importantly, i don't want my dad to spend so much for a piece of gadget i merely want and not need.

so...

should i buy it or what? what do you think? :)

my learning for today

2005-01-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

don't ASSUME because you'd make an ASS out of U and ME. :)

2005-01-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

i'm having an emotional breakdown.

lag.

i've been crying a lot for the past how many days.
nobody understands (with the exception of a few friends).
nobody empathizes.
it was a hard decision for me too you know.
it wasn't as if i just woke up and spontaneously ended it.
it was a process. it was extremely difficult.
god it's the hardest thing i've done in my life.
but i know i made the right choice.
no regrets (i think).

we had sparks. chemistry.
we were inseparable.
we were made for each other.
perceived by others to be a perfect couple.
it's true when a friend said that it's just in the surface.
smiles and laughter outside.
emptiness inside.
so many things have been said and done.
so many things have NOT been said and done, too.
like a flower withering.
like a balloon deflating.
like sand being blown away by the wind.
frustrations. depressions. anger. annoyance.
happiness was ephemeral.
what happened?
were we fed up with each other?
were we taking each other for granted?
were we simply unhappy?
have we fallen out of love?
what? tell me.

i love you.
but sometimes, love just ain't enough.
but you SHALL not remain in my past.
for i have not found a lover,
but a friend for life.
i'll see you soon. ;)

Closing Cycles

2005-01-12T15:10:00.000+08:00

- by Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the
meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to
leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did
you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting
friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can
tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why
certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have
turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved:
your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your
sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves,
getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a
standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not
even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has
passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late
adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,
lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone
away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy
souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or
donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is
a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our
hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room
for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays
this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we
lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to
be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be
understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the
same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you
suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing
else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love, relationships that
are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date,
decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before
a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself
that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a
time when you could live without that thing or that person nothing is
irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it
may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but
simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change
the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you
were, and change into who you are.

a tribute to my yaya

2005-01-12T09:26:00.000+08:00

from the time of my conception, you have stood as my second mother. you have not showed me any signs of deception; selfless love is all you have to give. you are my pillar of strength, my well of wisdom and insights, my outlet of insecure and immature emotions, my wall of defense, my source of joy and laughter. you're the reason why i look forward going down from the car on weekends..to hug you, and to tell you that i miss you. i've grown too dependent on you, that i cannot imagine life without you. not because i make utos all the time, but because you're one person who knows me inside and out, who appreciates and understands me. and i know that you'll never turn your back on me.

i'm afraid of growing up and not having you around. even if i'm old and gray, i'd still be seeking for your presence.

i love you yaya! i surely hope that you'll still be the yaya of my children in the future. :)

doomed

2005-01-12T08:51:00.000+08:00

i'm procrastinating again, and this is definitely not good! i promised myself at the start of the term that i'd be the industrious person i want to be. well, promises are made to be broken right? :))

i don't want to preempt anything, but i'm really looking forward to something. vague huh? hopefully it will preoccupy my mind from the harsh reality of my life. :)

i have interesting teachers this term: an old lady who looks like she's gonna have a stroke (some people say she actually does in the middle of the class!), a dirty old man in my consumer behavior class who correlates every lesson with relationships between man and woman (we're like, is this a LOVE 101 class or what!?), a chic, classy and conyotic accounting teacher, an exaggeratedly animated religion teacher, and a cute (tisoy eh!) but arrogant law teacher from ateneo (no offencement to all ateneans!).

i'm doomed!

2005-01-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

can we still be friends?

d-u-m-b-a-s-s

2005-01-10T17:10:00.000+08:00

poor lil kars,
left the keys inside the room
and locked herself out of the condo;
desperately begged the guards to use their authority to open the door;
got denied by her request,
prayed to the gods for something special and magical,
and in the end found out that the solution was just to swipe a card through the door.
wipeedoo!

shit.

friendship that lasts forever

2005-01-10T16:51:00.000+08:00

i have this sudden urge to thank my special friends for everything!

thanks to...

SG (sjeanz, ara, rissa, and mau) - so this is what people say when friends are there through thick and thin. cliche, but hell, it's the truth! i love you guys! :D without you girls, my life is incomplete. *tear*

marianne and pam - bitches! friendship knows no boundaries after all...i'm so proud of what you two have become, and hopefully we'll continue to cherish the lifelong friendship that we've had for so long..don't be a stranger now!

ria - you'll always be my partner-in-crime! thanks for the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on..the hugs, the kisses, the laughs, laughs, and more laughs! you are greatly appreciated. :)

jc - so much to say, but in a nutshell, thank you for loving me for who i am and making me a stronger person..

jb - thanks for being such a dear friend! for being so thoughtful, caring, and for never forgetting about me all these years...thanks for trusting me, and teaching me what genuine friendship really is.

gino and chris - you guys are my brothers! thanks for always tolerating my rants, and for accepting me for who i am. though we're not together all the time, i know i can always count on you guys. la ruota na 'to! i'm hoping that someday our paths would cross again, and we'll conquer the world! in your face, hsbc! :)) let's build conglomerates within the limitless boundaries of our imagination...sounds familiar ey?!

dette, david, paolo, jay, natnat, jeremy, brian - thanks for the companionship, the jokes, the laughs, the hangouts, the crazy antics, and the warmth. i sincerely hope that we could still go out one of these days. :)

aimee, jojo, and vida - mga shet! my college days wouldn't be the same without you guys. thanks for always being there. :) kelan ang next manga manga natin!? ;)

mig - thanks for being my online buddy! for MAWF, for the concerts, and for everything else in between. :)

dax and vane (and jeremy again!) - i'm looking forward to doing more marketing papers with you! thanks for the wisdom, the patience, and the teamwork! gold thesis na toh! :D dax, salamat at sinasama mo ako sa mga plano mo sa buhay! hehe

flowers and their meanings

2005-01-07T21:10:00.000+08:00

chrysanthemum - you're a wonderful friend.
white cornellia - you're adorable.
acacia - i love you secretly.
rose red - i love you deeply.
petunia - your presence soothes me.
primrose - i can't live without you.
white lilac - i'm a virgin, be gentle.
tulip - you're the perfect lover.
yellow hyacinth - i'm jealous.
yellow carnation - you have disappointed me.
bluebell - i'm not worthy.
purple hyacinth - i'm sorry, please forgive me.
pink carnation - i'll never forget you.
daffodil - are you still here?
crocus - if you call again, i'll get an injunction.

so guys, instead of giving girls the usual roses, make it more exciting and give them something different each time! give them something they least expect. after reading this, you have no excuse!! :))

boys will be boys

2005-01-06T22:40:00.000+08:00

i cannot seem to fathom how some guys have the courage to come up to girls, introduce themselves, and ask for the celfone numbers of people they barely even know.

it probably starts with physical attraction. a glance here, a smile there, and kaboom!
"i wanna get her number." so the guy preps himself up, sucks all his pride in, and approaches the girl without hesitation. gives some lousy pick-up line from God knows where, and succeeds!

but it's funny how after acquiring what seemed to be the most valuable treasure of the moment, he never calls.

maybe he found out that it was indeed a small world after all. *grin*

2005-01-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

it's sad that things have to end in a certain way,
but it's for the best.

there's so much growing up to do.
so much love to give.
so much life to live.

happiness

2005-01-04T17:09:00.000+08:00

to be happy, don't do whatever you like. instead, like whatever you do.
happiness comes not from having much to live on, but from having much to live for.

hello again, to my single blessedness soul.

the year that was, a retrospection

2005-01-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

things that i'm grateful for for 2004!

tears...
surprises...
an emotional vault...
heartbreaks...
second chances...
laughs...
reunions...
intoxication...
travels...
beaches...
car rides...
sleepovers...
old friends...
new friends...
new hobbies...
new goals...
new course...
concerts...
curiosity...
renovations...
revelations...
copy pastes...
moments of introspection...
surrealism...
emptiness...
completeness...
surprise emails...
clarity...
epiphanies...
love...
life...

life as we know it

2005-01-03T14:22:00.000+08:00

i may not have all the material things that i desire in life (like my own ipod, a new fone, my digital keyboard, etc.), but i realized that the compensation for not having these is priceless, and that's how i've been brought up by my parents. unlike some people i know, i'm proud that at such a young age, i'm independent from my parents. i can make decisions on my own without being swayed by other people's opinions. my parents have given me (and my sisters) the freedom (with their guidance, of course) to do whatever we want (and we need) in life: to wear whatever style of clothing, to date whoever, to party, to drink, to work, to study hard, and basically to live life because we're young and vulnerable. seize the day. life has so much to offer. if we're still tied to their knot, we won't be able to open our eyes to the world of opportunities and challenges that await us. besides, i think they realize how well they've brought us up...they don't need to decide for us, they're just there to guide and support us. they know that we certainly would make the right decisions in life.

i'm proud of my parents. they raised me well.

2005-01-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

i hate your stinking guts
you make me vomit
you're the scum between my toes

my wish for you

2004-12-28T18:24:00.000+08:00

i wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
i wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
i wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
i wish you enough pain, so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
i wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
i wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
i wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye.

drained

2004-12-28T18:23:00.000+08:00

clinging on to frays of comfort
what has been thrown away
two loves incinerated, drained
nothing left to give up.

thanks dad

2004-12-28T18:17:00.000+08:00

we come from a family of insane people.

my mom is pretty boisterous and high-strung. her high-pitched voice (that's on a normal tone) resonates in my ear even in my dreams. she's one-track minded sometimes, and at times not a very big fan of listening (hearing, yes). i really pity my dad for having to carry the burden of tolerating her madness; for ever having to argue when he knows he is always at a loss; and for always having to be blamed for everything gone wrong inside this household.

my sister recently revealed what my dad said a few years back during this major family "fight" that we had. he said (advising my sis), "Huwag mo nang pakinggan yang mommy mo. Kung dinamdam ko pa yang mga sinasabi niya, matagal na kaming naghiwalay."

my mom usually said that my dad is very lucky to have a wife like her. i think it's the other way around. my mom is even luckier to have a husband as patiend and understading as my dad.

is it father's day? no. it's just that sometimes i also forget to give him the credit that he deserves.

what's so merry about christmas

2004-12-26T09:12:00.000+08:00

two colognes from my yaya and our cook
a tommy hilfiger perfume from my tita merle
a COACH bag from my cousin ate bambi( a real one as a matter of fact!)
a tie-dyed tube from my tita susan (so fit for our bora trip)
pantulog from my mauleon cousins
an SG calendar so creatively done by ara
an SG 505, SG scrapbook, and a top from clarissa
a vintage tee from my sister jaja
speedo slippers from ate kattie
RENT piano book from joy
an all expense paid trip to Boracay, Bantayan and Bohol from my parents
a christmas wish from a friend
a gazillion warm christmas messages
a call from a dear friend (at exactly 12 midnight!)
an SG christmas lunch (treated by mau and ara)
a 4J christmas get together
noche buena with beloved relatives
a fun day spent in tagaytay highlands
a complete family on christmas day

though greatly appreciated, worldly things are just temporal. what makes me smile the most is the presence of love and happiness on christmas day.

*smile*

2004-12-26T09:07:00.000+08:00

There's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
from our adolescent war
and i start to feel a fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams

and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in Minnesota
at a place where you could walk across with five steps down
and i guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown

and there's not enough room in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost i'm in love with your ghost

dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
when i wake the things i dreamt about you last night make me blush
when you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like the piper

and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
but i'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
in love with your ghost

unknowing captor
you'll never know how much you pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you can you hear it
a cry to be free
or i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me

now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like Achilles
with you always at my heels

and my bitter pill to swallow
is the silence that i keep
that poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse at most
in love with your ghost

sigh

2004-12-19T14:41:00.000+08:00

i don't know why,
but i've been thinking about you all the time.

a supposed vacation,
turned out to be an irrefutable reality of contemplation.

when you wish upon a star

2004-12-13T17:00:00.000+08:00

though living this miserable life,
i am comforted with the fact that we granted the wish of a 10-year old cancer patient last saturday.
the radiance of his smile upon seeing the computer just made my day.
dreams do come true, even in the truest sense of hopelessness.

thanks to mig, cindy, yce, monchot, and everyone from the make a wish foundation for making this a success! may we continue to believe in the power of a wish. :D

10 Things I Hate About You

2004-12-12T13:50:00.000+08:00

I hate it when you don't text me or call me just to check how i am...
I hate it when you don't acknowledge your faults...
I hate it when you blow things out of proportion...
I hate it when you don't mingle with other people, especially with my family...
I hate it when you give out a fake laugh everytime...
I hate it when after a fight, everything is left hanging...
I hate it when you don't have time for me because of your mps, but you have time for basketball...
I hate it when you don't say that you love me and you don't miss me...
I hate it when you're just not there for me when i need you the most...
I hate it when after all these, i still love you...

2004-11-25T01:11:00.000+08:00

remember my raging lit teacher? well, today there had been another eruption encounter.

it was yet another boring literature class. the same people rasing their hands. students basically nonchalant to what he's saying upfront. apparently my southwest mate could not take it anymore, so for lack of a better thing to do, she started toying with her bracelet. at the sight of this, my teacher interrupted the discussion with a sermon.

what are you doing? get out of the classroom!! i have been pissed with you since day 1. get out!! i don't want to see your face here ever again!!

she was then repeatedly saying sorry. then when she stepped out, he said:

BITCH!

then he let out a fag sigh.

well, it takes one to know one.

MOVE it!

2004-11-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

last weekend, i was in batangas with my co-MOVERS. MOVE for emerging leaders is a yearlong leadership training program for students who have quite a high average and have the leadership potential. out of the whole lasalle population only 15 were chosen. and *ahem*, yours truly is part of this program. haha yak ang yabang!! anyway, we had our module 2 last weekend in batangas. it was really a blast! although all of us aren't that close, we really had our UBE (ultimate bonding experience) moments. and i'm really happy that i've continued with this program. apart from getting to know 14 other people, there are so many things that i have learned about myself, about others, and about processes and leadership/behavioral styles.

these are just some of the highlights of the seminar:
- i had one roommate, her name is ruth. she's a really cool person, not to mention very smart. anyway, friday night was ghost stories night. all 15 of us stayed in one room, and they all shared their experiences with the spirits of the other world. it was really creepy because ruth (my roommate!) and cherry had a third eye. meaning they had first-hand experiences with these ghosts. anyway, when we got back to our room at around 11:30, ruth and i chitchatted for a while (not!) and stayed up until around 2. when we woke up at 6, she was the first to take a bath. suddenly, i heard her saying "kars, can you come see this?" at first i was like, "what would that be? a dead cockroach? a dead rat? what?" when i peeped inside the bathroom, to my surprise i found something written on the wall (on the tiles of the wall). RUTH. I started to shriek, and we ran outside of the room and saw rina. i couldn't believe it. it was hella freaky! we (me, ruth, rina, jj, and cent) went inside the room again to check it out. it wasn't actually written, it was CARVED. later in the day i found out that ruth woke up at around 4 am and saw a girl ghost sitting on my bed. holy shit!! she tried to keep it from me so as not to scare me, but cherry couldn't keep it to herself and she had the courage to tell me. CREEPY!! don't wanna talk about it anymore. it's my first close encounter yet, and i can't get over it!!

- melai divulged one of her deepest and darkest secrets. i couldn't believe it! anyway, i can't say, so i'll just shut up.

- bien waking up in the middle of the night, sitting up straight, and shouted "It's so hard!!" apparently, she was sleep talking. COMEDY!!

- amazing race ala MOVE! dalandan vs. grape mentos! and we won!

- cherry: ano ba yung orgy?
me: group sex!
bien: (in a seducing voice) do you want an example? (she didn't mean it that way pala!)
*melai suddenly waking up and freaking out!

2004-11-22T18:59:00.000+08:00

i cried myself to sleep last week
for a reason i cannot disclose

genuine UNhappiness.

when i woke up, i heard a silence in my heart

emptiness.

2004-11-12T17:32:00.000+08:00

it's been roughly 2 weeks since my last post here. things have been pretty hectic, but fun nevertheless. last night was PASICATCHAN 2004. it's a pre-CCS day event..a contest showcasing the talents of compsci students in singing, dancing, and playing in a band. even though i am not a compsci student, pretty much my heart still belongs with them. ironically, i emceed the event, together with tuesday and franz. the whole night was really a blast, but the whole thing just made me realize how much i miss the ccs people. i don't regret shifting, because it's my future we're talking about here. but i guess i just miss them...everything about them...they're all just so humble and simple...with fresh smiles on their faces everyday, even though they're all blowing their heads off for their maching project deadlines, and thesis proposal submissions...and while i was watching the "huling hirit" video (a tribute to the graduating students), i felt kinda melancholic because i won't be graduating with the people i'm closest to. (and i won't be on that video! haha just kidding!) i'm really proud of my batch and what they have become. all of their performances last night were sooo great! electrifying! i don't think it's really about the competition. the point is, we've got talent, and we wanna show them to the whole world. another thing i'm sad about is that i wasn't able to dance and sing with them. awwww...but it was fun watching them from the backstage!

long weekend is here and i'm soooo happy! time to rest, time to be a bum...sounds good!!

but i have to contemplate on something for the weekend...something that will have a significant change in my life for the next year...*sigh* and i thought i was gonna have the opportunity to relax my mind...guess i thought wrong...

list

2004-10-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

i'm bored right now, so what better thing to do but write on my blog!

here is a list of things i cannot live without. i cannot live without my....

1. celfone. the advent of texting has become one of our primary means of communication with one another.
2. piano. (my mom refers our piano as "anna's piano", so i guess it's mine!) playing the piano is therapeutic for me. it gives me a sense of motivation, freedom, and passion.
3. laptop. surfing the net (checking my mail, blogging, and checking out idolforums) has become a routine for me, when i wake up in the morning, and before i go to bed.
4. music. (whether i'm just listening to it, singing it, or dancing to it) just a means of self-expression.
5. FOOD. i'm gonna die if i don't eat. hehe
6. lasalle id. duh, then i wouldn't be able to go in the campus. sounds good, but my parents would kill me!
7. shoes. besides the obvious reason of having blisters all over my feet when i don't wear them, shoes are my fetish. i think all my friends can attest to it that i love "collecting" shoes. it's just oh so fun!
8. television. when i'm bored and i have nothing to do (like right now as i'm writing this), i just switch to ETC, and watch my favorite tv shows.
9. watch. i dunno, for some reason when i'm not wearing my watch, i feel kinda bare and vulnerable or something. incomplete. or naked. i always have to know what time it is.
10. pen. not because i like taking down notes! i like doodling on the back leaves of my notebooks, or on scratch papers. even though i'm artistically challenged, i try my best to draw things in my surroundings. you'll never know, i may be a great artist some day! haha fat chance.

they are officially together!

2004-10-26T15:45:00.000+08:00

yep you heard (or read?!) it right! they are officially together. after breaking up with the cutie-patootie michael vartan, who is by the way uberly overflowing with sex appeal, there were some speculations going around that jennifer garner was seen with her daredevil co-actor ben affleck, who i may add gives justice to the word hotness. have been seen together. and true enough, the pictures of them together at the world series games 1 and 2 (red sox vs. cardinals!) proved the rumors true.

so who cares right?

well i do. i'm a big jennifer garner fan. and i was a die-hard of the jennifer-michael tandem (a.k.a. sydney-vaughn). it did hurt me to find out that they split, because they looked so cute together, and they complemented each other.

it seems to me that jennifer easily falls for her leading men:
scott foley (remember him from felicity? yah, they married in 2000, divorced in 2002)

michael vartan (michael vaughn of alias; he's also the guy in "never been kissed")

and now ben affleck.

what a lucky biyatch!

is this another bennifer in the making? i surely hope not. after all, they look good together (in fairness to them!). J.Ga vs. J.Lo? jennifer garner is way better (although J.Lo's booties are something!).

so varty, don't agonize too much 'cause i'm coming for you sweetie! :D

frustration

2004-10-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

i'm so frustrated with my mom. i've had my license for over a year now, (and i started driving 2 years ago) and i feel so restricted. she brags of me knowing how to drive, but she doesn't let me go to places on my own. i understand that she's a bit paranoid because of the reckless drivers out there, (or maybe she's just doubting my driving capabilities) but how will i ever learn? when will she ever face her fear? i'm not really that desperate to drive. i only do when i really have to. but there are just some circumstances wherein it would be more convenient for me to bring a car, but she will always find a way out of it. like for example, tomorrow. i suggested that i bring the car to school because my class is at 12:50, and they're leaving at 10. at first she immediately said ok. but i guess after much contemplaion and paranoia, she once again found a way out. then i told her that it's not as if i haven't driven that far ever. and she goes "ikaw lang? wala kang kasama?" --> yun nga eh! how will i ever drive there by myself if she never lets me????? arrrggg...

what irritates me more is that joy (my sister) only had her license for a little less than a year, and when she goes to faraway places (she even reached greenhills...alone), it's okay with them. it's not a matter of her being older, it's a matter of having that experience. i'm just beginning to think that everything she does is okay with them because she's the "summa". so she's probably doing the right things all the time. they should try riding with her, and experience that little recklessness in her.

and jaja, my oldest sister, started driving when she was in 1st year college (she was 18) , to up manila. now lasalle and upm are not really that far apart, is it?

is it because i'm the youngest? remember, i'm 20 now.

it just feels so unfair.

atleast ate kattie trusts me (and sometimes my dad). she always volunteers me to drive for her (although it never really pushes through).

i guess i just have to keep on depending on our driver, titing.

2004-10-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

my special thanks to the following people for greeting/texting/calling me on my birthday:

mom, dad, jaja, ate kattie, joy, yaya, nang sit, jc, sjeanz, clarissa, ara, ria, mau, mica, mela pacheco, tita betty, tito butch, tetet, erica, jb, jack, ronald, louie go, rj, jeremy, io, dette, chris, jojo, nins, louie arcilla, cherry, mig, riez, eya, bailey, pao, pam, tina, val, dax, donna, bihon, martin, mela sogono, natnat, yang, jeff, miko, anna, don, stef, annabelle, del, vane, jennie, joyce, kiran, kraig, moksy, jobelle, mary ann, and to the 3 people who texted me and whom i don't know.

i'm 20 and proud of it!

2004-10-20T17:03:00.000+08:00

just when i was about to go to bed last night, at around 11:50 (10 minutes before my birthday!), and just when i thought my birthday was gonna suck, i suddenly heard a knock on our door, and voila! jc surprised me with flowers and 2 new cds (the diary of alicia keys and kitchie nadal - something to add to my collection of ORIGINAL cds!). that alone made my birthday special. although i didn't spend the whole day with him today, i can say that my birthday is complete. i haven't felt that excitement in a long time!!! :) happy happy joy joy!

so i'm 20! so what?! i still feel young, like i'm 12 or something!

by the way, i had my US VISA interview yesterday, and it was denied. a part of my application asked how long my last stay was, and since my answer was 14 months (1 year and 2 months), that i think kinda made them suspicious that i'd go TNT (tago nang tago), or maybe i'd violate the visa again. but my extension was legal, and i had the supporting documents to prove it. what irritated me the most was the consul didn't even have the decency to ask me why i stayed in the states that long. he asked me nonsensical questions, questions that had no basis of him denying my visa.

me: good morning! (with a bright smile on my face!)
consul: good morning maam. please put your left index finger on the scanner. (and so i did) and your right. so what are you going to do in the states?
me: i'm just gonna be there on a vacation.
consul: so what are you going to do there?
me: just touring places, and visiting my relatives.
consul: which relatives?
me: my cousins, uncles, and aunts. no immediate family.
consul: so what are you studying?
me: (i heard him say "where are you studying?") in de la salle university manila.
consul: yah i know. WHAT are you studying?
me: oh. commerce major in marketing management.
consul: so what's your family business?
me: rubber export, and a sugar plantation.
consul: do you have a savings account in your name?
me: yes, there's only a little from my allowance.
consul: (talking to my dad) sir can i see your passport?
dad: sure sure. (hands the passport)
consul: when was the last time you were in the states.
dad: just this september.
consul: for how long?
dad: 10 days.
consul: what did you do there?
dad: vacation.
consul: how often do you go there?
dad: sometimes once a year. but as a pilot, i always go to guam.
consul: oh you're a pilot? where do you fly?
dad: philippine airlines.
consul: (fixes the passport and application form. stamps the passport with "received", and signs. at this point, i was like "uh oh!") sorry maam, i cannot grant you a visa today.

THAT WAS IT?!?! i waited 6 hours for that!? i personally think that when he saw the 14 months on my application, he had already decided that he would deny me. that one-tracked minded son of a bitch! he was just asking questions for the sake of asking questions. he did not even look at the pertinent documents that we presented.

don't get me wrong, i'm not itching to go the states (i just wanna go to watch usher and american idol!), neither am i devastated because i wasn't given a visa. i'm just disappointed because he did not show (through his questioning) me or explain (explicitly) to me why i didn't deserve a visa.

i have him to thank actually. because he has given me a reason to go to australia or thailand, or to some other country i haven't been to.

anyway, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO ME!! *fireworks!* (and to iggy, louie, and abby!)

birthday!

2004-10-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

happy birthday, NINS!
happy birthday, LOUIE!
happy birthday, RIC!

there are so many people celebrating their birthdays today. which reminds me, i'm turning 20 in 9 days! time really flies so fast. it was just like yesterday when i had my 18th birthday with my friends. now my teenage life is about to be zilch. 20 is such a scary age. with these two numbers come certain responsibilities that people expect from you. but nevertheless, i don't really fear getting old. in fact, i'm looking forward to experiencing those things that i will be going through in the future. i don't mind getting wrinkles or having saggy skin, the most important thing is that i stay true to my heart. my props to jamie lee curtis for being one of the most genuine people in hollywood!

hi to jb! (anu to, tv show!? nagpapabati!?)

looking forward to christmas break

2004-10-06T17:51:00.000+08:00

i was reading cat's blog just a couple of minutes ago, and she was envying all of us (for all intentional purposes?! haha!) because she was going to bora next week. i guess what's even more exciting is that it's an all-expense paid trip, cuz it's basically a business trip. waaah! i'm exhilirated at the thought of our trip to bora this new year's. the whole caboodle is gonna rock the whole island...all 50 of us! i can't wait to....

go island hopping
parasail (finally i will!)
ride the banana boat (yes, finally din!)
drink shakes from jonah's
sail during sunset
drink and dance the night away (for sure!)
buy 10-peso bracelets and necklaces
and many more!!

it's going to be fun...it's going to be chaotic...but it's definitely a new year's to remember!!

4 weeks of the second term down, 10 more to go! :D

wish list

2004-10-04T22:15:00.000+08:00

since my blog has been pretty stagnant for quite some time now, i decided to be trigger happy and just post my ass off. hehe

so i came up with 3 things on the top of my wishlist...these things are rather impossible to acquire because i am financially unstable (euphemism for walang pera!), but what the heck, libre mangarap!

1. a nokia 6260. i've always loved clamshell phones, because they look so cool! originally, i liked the samsung p400, but nokia has once again lured me into becoming more loyal to them. this phone has more features and is more physically attractive. the operating system from what i have understood, is somewhat like a palm's. it actually has a wireless keyboard that comes along with it. how cool is that?! for more information, visit the website! http://www.nokia.com.ph/nokia/0,,59778,00.html

2. a casio PS-20 digital piano. i want a digital piano, not just some keyboard, because its "feel" is more like a piano's. to be a great pianist, i need to practice everyday. how can i practice during weekdays if i don't have anything to practice on in the condo? this is the answer.

3. an ipod. i just wanna walk around with a headset, and just listening to the songs that i love. :)

so, guys! it's almost my birthday. *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

hopeful

2004-10-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

on a lighter note, it was dette's debut last saturday, and it was fun! food was great, the company of jc's barkada was a blast, and the overall ambiance of the place was nothing but enchanting.

i just don't feel that i was well taken care of by jc. :( most of the time, i was just left with his friends (not that i'm complaining, they're great), but i really didn't feel that i was his girlfriend that night. there was even a point when i was alone in one of the tables. i understand that he had these responsibilities as the brother of the debutante, but i duno, i can't explain it. *sob*

it was during mass that i was pondering on some possible things that jc and i could do so that we could bring a little change and excitement into our relationship. it kinda bothered me that we've been together for so long, yet we haven't really done anything out of the ordinary. little sweet things can really make a big difference.
so here's the list:
1. go to mass together (we've only done that once!)
2. go to the grocery together
3. spend a day in EK (two of us only!)
4. walk along the beach during sunset (can be at night! we've done that in boracay, but hopefully the next time would be more romantic)
5. have a picnic somewhere vast and remote
6. eat lunch in tagaytay
7. hang out on a cliff, and enjoy the view
8. go to a drive-in movie

i know there are a million more ways, but these are the only things i can think of right now. realistic...attainable. *sigh*