My Profile
Name: Karsreunion
i went to CSA yesterday.
currentlies?
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
FEELING:
pain! there's some kind of twinge on my right arm and wrist. i think i have carpal tunnel syndrome. too much time spent in front of the computer! arg...
LISTENING TO:
until you come back to me by camile velasco :)
DOING:
chatting with joan
WEARING:
shorts and a worn-out sando
THINKING:
of my test tom in accounting. hopefully she'll postpone!
READING:
the digital fortress by dan brown. it's taking me forever to finish the damn book!
regaining the passion
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
i want to take piano lessons again.
be a modern-day mozart, or maybe even an alicia keys.
music is my life.
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
untrue to my heart
i wonder what he's doing right now, thinking, feeling. is he also missing me as much as i am missing him? does he still think about me? does he still need me in his life?
i'm alone. i've got no one. no one to talk to, no one to share how my day went, no one to laugh with. everytime i wake up, his voice resonates in my mind. then i realize that he's not there.
love never felt so cold. *sigh*
everyday is the same 'ol story. after school, i spend countless hours in front of the computer. then off to sleep with my strained eyes. i don't have a life.
i've put on a facade for everyone to see. one that laughs and smiles. i try to be the person that i used to be. the clown of the family. just to let them see that i'm ok. that i've surpassed that inconceivable problem of breaking up with my first boyfriend of what seemed like forever. but in truth i'm not. i don't want to seem aloof towards them because i don't need their sympathy. i don't want them to think that i'm weak.
the silence in the room is killing me.
i want to see that genuine smile back in my face.
i want to be real again.
a word seldom misunderstood
Saturday, July 24, 2004
a meeting of transcendental hearts
brought to us by fate
and love
laughter, tears of joy and sadness
listening, comforting, empathizing
an abundance of experience
that strengthens the bond
no limits
no boundaries
no conditions
no insecurities
no masks
no fears
never alone
never afraid
an unsigned pact that lasts until the end of time.
let it burn
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
yesterday's highlight:
i got my permanent license! (that's the card thingamajig)...after a year of long wait...FINALLY! and tolerating my temporary license with a half-body 1x1 pic (just imagine how that looks like!). although i'm not completely satisfied with my permanent license cuz my picture is ugly. i think their printer ran out of ink, that's why the pic is kinda blurry. so much for paying how many hundred bucks for an incompetent printing machine and a card that takes forever to be released. yesterday was one of those days that again i realize that all the systems (i don't even wanna call them systems, cuz systems are supposed to be...systematic) here in the philippines are so disorganized. in other words, bulok. we went to the LTO yesterday, and it was brown-out. great. so expectedly of them, they halted all operations. even the releasing window. how stupid is that!? they don't have to use computers or some hi-tech device to search for our licenses. the most that they need is a flashlight or a candle. they told us to go back the next day. there was this poor little old lady who skipped work that day just to be able to go to the LTO and get the license. that they don't even take into consideration. i guess they're just lazy asses who wanted so eagerly to end the day's work. when will we change?
today's highlight:
i rode with jc on the way home today cuz it was raining really hard. for some reason being with him now brings back the smile on my face. after such a long time, i'm feeling that kilig again. crazy huh? it was like i didn't want to get out of the car. ughh...i think i want him back.
nothing special
Monday, July 19, 2004
nothing exciting really happened today...it was my usual monday...5 hours of straight classes! wipeedo! how boring can u get.
i hate my economics teacher. she was telling us to fit our report in 30 mins, because when she was in Turkey (and here we go again with the turkey stories), she had to present 49 slides in 15 minutes. she boasts that she finished it in 12. good for her and her turkey endeavor! but when it comes to our class, why can't she ever finish on time? why can't she act as if she's presenting a paper to a room full of Turkish people everyday? a while ago, when the bell rang, she goes "ay, time na pala?", then she still proceeded with the lesson. i don't think her brains actually got the signal that it was really time...time to shut her mouth up...it's just so frustrating!!
i don't have the energy to do anything today...i just feel like slacking around...sleep, eat, and be a catatonic anti-social. i've been staring at the computer the whole day...just thinking of sites i could visit.
oh happy day.
destination: unknown
Sunday, July 18, 2004
does it work this way cuz i broke up with him? is he trying to move on? or has he moved on? how will i expect us to be friends if it will continue to be like this? i just don't get it...
it's funny that i'm ranting, while i was the one who left him...i just miss him i guess...
(it's also funny that while i'm writing this, he YMed me)
weekend mode
Saturday, July 17, 2004
i went out with my high school friends the other night. after my class, andre picked me up in la salle, and we went to greenbelt to watch King Arthur. i never knew i'd like it! my first impression of it, though i knew that it's not some fiction movie like the lord of the rings or something (or is it not?!), is that i wouldn't want to watch the movie. i dunno, i don't really like the bloody scenes and all. but i was wrong. it was really a good movie.
after, andre and i went to katipunan to meet some of our other friends. we ate at bento box, with macky, miko, joanne, ara, and mau. sjeanz and louie just dropped by to say their hellos cuz sjeanz had a test the next day. it was fun! our night was filled with laughter, chismis, and all sorts of stories. next to our table were augustinians that are one batch higher than we are. joshua, paolo, and some other peeps. it just made me realize that there's nothing like your high school friends. although some people just go on with their lives after high school and find their own college barkada (or "beer"kada!), most of them stick by their own circle of high school friends. such a happy thought!
and here goes another thought...
what is a friend?
friend n. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
does being a friend entail you to have a reponsibility of "being there" for the other? if you are "not there", do you become less of a friend? do u have to feel pressured if you're not living up to the "might-be" expectations of another? do u have to put on a facade so that you can be "accepted" as a friend?
is being a friend some sort of task/job that you have to fulfill, and if you are not able to, you're fired?
where is the love?
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
i used to think so. i used to think that if two people don't talk or see each for a long time, it's more healthy for their relationship. because if you finally get to see each other, you've given yourself the chance to miss him badly, so then you'll be able to overcome all the loneliness that you've felt for a long time.
i say, absence drifts two people apart. as you go on not talking/seeing him everyday, gradually you begin NOT knowing who he really is.
together again
Sunday, July 11, 2004
ara and sjeanz arrived at around 7:00, while clarissa and i had just spent the whole day together. we watched the prince and me in RP (it was rissa's first time to ride the LRT!), and we went to the supermarket to buy the drinks that would accompany us for the rest of the night.
maybe i was drunk. i don't really know. i fairly remember all the happenings from last night, but i really had a bad hangover. being that this is my first time to get really drunk (goody ol' two shoes!), i didn't know the nasty aftermath that it would cause me. a mixture of vodka, gin, and rhum is not a good combination. i puked last night, and i thought it would end there. unconsciously i dropped on the bed, and the next thing i know i woke up again at around 4 am to puke again...for the next 3 hours. that eeky feeling is the worse feeling in the whole world. i don't think i wanna drink excessively the next time we do this. drink only in moderation, that's the way to go. :)
last night was a blast. nothing is better than spending the night with your closest friends. it's those days that you hope would last forever, but reality is, we also have our own lives to live. we were watching sex and the city last night and this morning, and i realized how deep their friendship was with one another. a friendship that transcends time and distance. a friendship that knows no boundaries. and i can somehow relate because that's what i feel about my friends now. i can see myself how many years from now having the same set of friends, because with them, i'm real. no masks, no pretensions. we can talk about anything and everything. even if it's the peak of all humiliation, nothing hinders us from just sharing a part of ourselves with one another. although it's hard for me because i don't get to see them as much as i want to, somehow my bond with them becomes much stronger. in times of utter desolation, no matter the distance that drifts us away from each other, i know for a fact that they are just a call away.
thank God for true friends like them..
Thanks Ara, Sjeanz, Rissa, and Mau. :)
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.
realizations..
Friday, July 09, 2004
it all boils down to one thing: although i am already wont to living a life like this, i need excitement in my life! something to break the barricades of routines. somebody help?
my marketing class was pretty interesting today. i mean it is everyday. but i learned how important all our "general education" subjects are like psych, sociology, etc. at first it's as if we take those subjects for additional units and additional knowledge only. and we often ask ourselves, "why do we study these anyway? it's not as if we're gonna use it if we're in the "real world" right?" but what we don't know is that all of these information are incorporated in everything we can possibly do. for example, in applying psychology, most of the world's population are right-eye dominant, that's why advertisements on the right page of newspapers and magazines are more expensive, because most people tend to look more on the right. also, companies put their logos and taglines at the bottom right of the page, because people (with the exception of those from china and saudi arabia) read from left to right, so their logos are the last one to be seen, and the only thing to be remembered. cool huh? it only goes to show that our seemingly useless subjects that we perceive to be grade-lifters are foundations for higher learning.
anyway, i'm sooooo excited about tom! my friends are sleeping over at our place, and we're planning to have a drinking session. no adult supervision! we're not really the type of barkada that drinks alcoholic beverages habitually, so this is i think a first or a second for us. (one time they did it without me! bastards! hehehe) but 2 depressed people (me and ara) means major girl talk and bonding! and what better way than to drink right? i don't want us to end up as boozehounds or anything, but give us a break!!! we need it. we deserve it. too bad mau can't go :(
can i just say, my economics midterm today was difficult. i think i deserve a Sex and the City or CSI marathon to compensate for my brain draining day.
bonkers
Thursday, July 08, 2004
I don't have one regret
Baby there's nothing that I won't forget
I know we both hope for more
What we have, I'm so thankful for
We did nothing wrong girl
We did it all just fine
I didn't find a lover,
I found a friend for life
if you come to think about it, it's kinda sad...but i guess in a way, it's also rewarding because in return, you've found something (or someone) that's in your life permanently. lovers do come and go, but it's friends that stick by you through thick and thin. oh shit. cliche. Count on me through thick and thin, a friendship that will never end. Whoa! blast from the past. am i back in grade school?
reality bites.
my sister told me that i overanalyze things. is this true? i'm just venting out all my baffled emotions...there's just too much people who easily influence my thinking. one minute, i believe in this, and the other minute, i believe in another. OR, maybe i'm just thinking that i'm shifting my beliefs, but i'm really not. paradigm shift. what the heck am i talking about? talk about standing up for your own principles. i think i'm flipped.
this has been such a nonsensical blog entry for me. pardon.
When you are really in love, when do you say that enough is enough?
The answer: NEVER.
la vie boheme
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
for the longest time, i'm finally having my dose of broadway music. i'm listening to RENT right now, and wow! boy have i've missed this a lot! this musical is so electrifying, that i could go on and on listening to it the whole day..
i went to the nook a while ago, cuz i finished my economics midterms early..on the table was today's issue of LIBRE. so for the lack of anything else to do, i read the paper, and for some reason it brought me to the "Love Notes" page where Joe D' Mango gives advices to those who write to him. The girl who wrote had a fairly typical story. she had a boyfriend, and after sometime she broke up with him because she didn't feel that he loved him anymore. she thought that if he would get back with her, she'd accept him again. but he didn't. so one day they finally met up and the guy told her that he wanted her back, but he wanted to fix his life first. The point is, she's having a hard time moving on, and she's bombarded with all these questions about love. but joe d' mango said something that caught my attention. "Maybe, Mark(the guy) did love you once. But I don't think that feeling stayed long enough to sustain your relationship. If a man really loves a woman, he will do everything to keep her." which leads me back to my original question...is love really enough? so does breaking up with jc mean that i don't love him anymore? what is love anyway? i didn't know that my actions had some subconscious meaning...it's like i may be feeling that i still love him, but i really don't...is this just some cutie-patootie-highschool-affair that's just full of infatuation junkie? i can't believe i'm actually saying this and i'm still 19. i've got so many things to explore and discover. i don't think i should be in a hurry. besides, i think this is just some postbreak-up syndrome...you tend to ask so many questions..i hope i'll be okay...
Current Song: Closer I Am To Fine by the Indigo Girls
Current Mood: enlightened
mystified
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
as i told gino, i'm really thankful that my close friends are there to give their undying love and support to me...they're not just there to say "kaya mo yan", or "i understand", but they make sense...it's these days that i need sensible people around me...they continue to bring me wisdom and inspiration, and they help me to be stronger..
the highlights of my day:
a.) i got a perfect score on my accounting test! 25/22!
b.) i bought 2 pants today! i mean my mom did...for me...hehe 2 for Php1998, i say, not bad! i had to let it alter though, cuz it was too long..so that means i won't be using it until next week! damn...
countdown til our sleepover: 4 days more to go! wippeee!
Current Song: Any Lucky Penny
Current Mood: still confused, but better
ytmpe
Monday, July 05, 2004
i'm acting as if jc broke up with me...hey, it doesn't mean that because i broke up with him, i'm not hurting...i still feel the pain...and it hurts...like hell...it's weird though, i don't cry anymore...
i keep on asking myself, how can other couples of like 10 years (some with kids) that separate stand this? it's easier to break up with someone because of a third party, cuz you just know the guy's a bastard...and you deserve someone else...some people i guess just fall out of love...and sometimes, love just ain't enough...
it's been pretty lonely..but i'm hanging...i just have to think things through..i miss my friends, and i'm looking forward to our sleepover...we're gonna get drunk and wash all our miseries away...
til then, there's nothing else to look forward to...it's just school, school, and loads of crappy school work..sucky life..